


Peter & Wendy

by weethreequarter



Series: The Lost Boys [2]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Adoption, Animal Abuse, Developing Relationship, F/M, Families of Choice, Father-Daughter Relationship, First Kiss, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Getting Together, Horses, Marriage Proposal, Marvel Bingo 2019, Marvel Cameos, Mother-Daughter Relationship, POV Steve Rogers, Parenthood, Past Abuse, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Single Parents, War Veteran Steve Rogers, Weddings, book store
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-08
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:55:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 27,712
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21704068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/weethreequarter/pseuds/weethreequarter
Summary: When Steve returns to the town where he spent most of his childhood, the last thing he expects is to fall for his best friend’s sister. The world is cruel, but Jess and Steve manage to find a little bit of happiness together.Chapter 1 - Marvel Bingo 2019 - Book Store
Relationships: Jessica Jones/Steve Rogers
Series: The Lost Boys [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1552033
Comments: 114
Kudos: 15
Collections: Marvel Bingo 2019





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here we go! The Jess/Steve prequel. That being said, you can read this without reading Return to Neverland, however some parts will hold more significance if you've read Neverland. But, as I said, it's a prequel, so you're able to read it without prior knowledge.
> 
> This one is for gideongrace, without whom, this probably wouldn't have appeared so quickly, so I thank/blame him.

**2023**

Steve glanced up from the onion he was chopping when the back door banged open, smiling automatically at the sight of his daughter. Then Dani slammed the door behind her, and Steve’s eyebrows shot up towards his hairline.

“You know,” he called, “I was planning on using that door again.”

Dani glared at him as she kicked off her sneakers. Dragging her backpack behind her, she snapped, “You’re not funny,” as she marched through the kitchen.

Steve frowned after her. His frown deepened when he heard her stomp upstairs, followed by a thud that sounded suspiciously like a backpack full of textbooks being thrown against a wall.

Steve sighed, washing his hands to de-onion them, before rounding the kitchen counter and heading for the stairs. Doubling back, he grabbed a packet of cookies from the pantry, then climbed the stairs in search of his wayward child.

He found Dani lying face down on her bed, her feet dangling in the air. At thirteen, her bedroom was a mishmash if the child she used to be and the teenager she was about to become. Posters of boy bands Steve didn’t know the name of jostled for space amongst her photos of the horses and riding trophies, some of which Steve recognised as belonging to Bucky.

“Hey bunny,” he called softly. “You okay?”

“Go away,” Dani replied, her voice muffled by the duvet.

“You know I can’t do that,” Steve sighed, sitting on the edge of the bed and rubbing her back. He waggled the packet of cookies. “Wanna eat cookies and talk about it?”

Dani twisted her head until she could look up at him with one eye.

“Can I eat cookies and _not_ talk about it?”

“Not an option, kiddo,” Steve smiled.

Dani heaved our a sigh, but she sat up, shuffling across the bed until their shoulders were brushing. Steve tore open the cookies, and offered the packet to her.

“Thanks,” Dani muttered, before shoving a whole cookie in her mouth.

Steve resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Most days Dani reminded him of Jess. But some days she was straight up Bucky Barnes.

“Alright, you know the deal: what’s going on?”

Dani sighed, spraying cookie crumbs over her duvet. Steve ignored them, deciding to grab the Dyson handheld after they’d finished the cookies.

(Because if he was honest, he knew they’d end up eating the whole pack)

“There’s this girl,” Dani began.

And just like that, a little part of Steve died as he realised this was the moment when his little girl started to grow up and develop _feelings_. Squashing the urge to wrap her up in _My Little Pony_ bedsheets forever, Steve bit down on a cookie to stop himself from saying anything, biting it probably harder than he should.

“She’s called Chloe,” Dani continued, oblivious to her dad’s turmoil. “She’s in my Spanish class, and she’s beautiful, and smart and funny and did I mention she was beautiful?”

“You did,” Steve mumbled around a mouthful of cookie.

“Anyway, now she’s dating stupid Aaron Crawford from ninth grade,” Dani spat, grabbing another cookie and shoving it into her mouth whole. “My life is over,” she finished, spraying cookie crumbs everywhere.

“Your life is not over,” Steve assured her. “Believe me, I know it feels like it, but it’s not. Despite what Hollywood tells you, very few people spend their lives with their first crush.”

“Who was your first crush?” Dani asked

“Arnie Roth,” Steve replied. “I thought I was going to marry him. Which would’ve been difficult, considering gay marriage was illegal at the time. And he was straight.”

“You didn’t like mom then?”

Steve wrinkles his nose.

“Your mom was ten then,” he pointed out. “That would’ve been weird.”

“How did you two start dating?” Dani asked.

Steve smiled automatically. Eleven years later, and he still couldn’t believe he’d fallen in love with Jessica Jones. Not only that, but she’d fallen for him too.

“We were friends first,” he explained. “Which is always a good start to a relationship.”

“Tell me? Please?” Dani asked, crossing her legs and stealing another cookie.

“Sure,” Steve agreed.

It wasn’t a hardship to tell the story of how he fell in love with the woman of his dreams.

X

**March 2012**

Group therapy.

Even just the thought of it left a bad taste in Steve’s mouth. And it wasn’t just the cheap instant coffee the VA served either. Wakeman VA, because it had a shorter waiting time than the closest one up in Shelbyville, and his doctor seemed to think he needed this.

He didn’t.

It was bullshit.

He wasn’t like these other guys. He wasn’t in danger. Okay, yeah, it sucked that his life felt weirdly empty since leaving the army, and that itch under his skin, telling him that he should be doing something, anything, was irritating as all hell, but it wasn’t a _problem_. And yes, moving back to Indiana wasn’t exactly in his plans, but it was for the best. After all, everyone he knew in Brooklyn from college had settled down with partners or spouses, most of them with kids or kids on the way.

And Steve, Steve didn’t have that.

He’d spent the past five years in various deserts getting shot at or blown up, but he’d come out the other side with all his limbs intact, so really, he had nothing to complain about.

It was fine.

It was all fine.

“Steve?” Sam’s voice broke through his thoughts. “You have anything to share with the group?”

All eyes turned to him. His skin crawled.

“Nope. I’m good,” Steve replied, throwing on a fake smile for good measure.

Sam didn’t seem to buy it. He never seemed to buy it. Which was stupid, because there was nothing wrong with him. He was fine.

Totally fine.

Steve sat back, pressing in the sides of his disposable coffee cup, letting the voices of the group wash over him, without listening to a word they said, waiting for those magic words from Sam to release him from this huge waste of time.

“Alright, we’re done for the day.”

And there they were.

Steve was on his feet and out of the door with a speed inconsistent with his size, tossing the coffee cup into the trash and shoving his hands into his pockets as he left the building, hunching his shoulders to deter anyone who considered talking to him.

Driving back to St Paul took the better part of forty minutes. It was only then, once he was in the attic bedroom of Mrs Lee’s house, Steve realised he had nothing to rush back for, unless he wanted to hang out with Mrs Lee’s teenage niece, Jubilee, and listen to her talk about her girlfriend, Laura. Which… wasn’t exactly his idea of a good time.

(No offence to either Jubilee or Laura; they were good kids, but they were _fourteen_ , and Steve was… not. Hanging out with them was either weird or sad, or maybe even both)

Steve flopped onto his bed, the springs creaking as the mattress bounced beneath him. He could rearrange his room again, he mused, although he didn’t exactly have a lot of stuff. He sold everything from his grandparents’ house after his mom died to pay for college, and then he went into the army, so he didn’t have any of the usual furniture or dollar store crap most people accumulated in their twenties.

Which was entirely the problem.

He could go for a run, Steve supposed. He went for a run that morning, but he could always go for another one.

Pulling his phone from his pocket, Steve considered trying to call Bucky again, but dismissed it with a sigh. He’d tried calling Bucky a few times since he came back, with no response. Then they bumped into each other at Waldron General Store two weeks ago, and to say Bucky was cold and aloof was an understatement. It left Steve feeling hollow, loneliness creeping over him whenever he thought about the way Bucky could barely stand to look at him.

Going for a run it was then.

He jumped to his feet, stripping out of his jeans and shirt, banging his hands against the camp ceiling yet again. Steve cursed, grabbing his gym gear and yanking on his sneakers angrily. When he stood up, he realised he’d tied his laces far too tight. Too bad.

Steve grabbed his keys and his phone, zipping them into his sweatpants pockets and jogging downstairs.

“Hey Steve!” Jubilee called, sticking her head out of the kitchen.

“Hey Jubilee,” Steve replied, trying to force his voice into something that sounded normal, because despite the weird feeling in his gut, he was _fine_.

He ran for over ninety minutes, losing himself in the rhythmic thump of his feet against the sidewalks, navigating the streets of his childhood with ease. With running, all he had to think about was putting one foot in front of the other, keeping his breath controlled, and figuring out which direction to go next. He didn’t have time to think about anything else.

When Steve returned to Mrs Lee’s, his shirt was sticking to his skin and his muscles burned. Pausing outside the house, he stretched carefully, mindful of the importance of a cool down routine, before climbing the porch steps two at a time and letting himself into the house. He climbed the stairs, grabbed his towel and shower bag from his room, then headed down to the bathroom to shower.

And then he ate dinner, and then it was back to his room, alone, again. Steve picked up his phone, considered calling Peggy in England, but with the time difference, she would probably still be at the hospital, and he didn’t want to bother her. She had enough going on.

There was nothing else to do, so he ended up going to bed.

At least then he could get up early, and go for a run before work.

X

Steve started the day in a bad mood, and it was only compounded by Mrs Knight watching him disapprovingly when he yanked his bike into the wrong lane to avoid a plastic bag on the road. Plastic bags could disguise IEDs. He was just being careful.

Locking his bike, Steve jogged across the road, pulling the shop keys from his pocket. He braced himself for the sharp ting of the bell above the door as he unlocked it. It ran out like a gunshot, and despite the fact Steve knew it was coming, he always tensed.

(On one memorable occasion, he jumped, reaching for his rifle, before remembering he didn’t _have_ a rifle anymore)

Coupled with the alarm, Steve hated opening the shop in the morning; not that he’d ever tell Dr Lawson of course. After punching in the code, the alarm cut off, leaving him in blessed silence. Steve moved through the store, dumping his helmet and jacket in the back room and flicking on the kettle while he finished setting up for the day.

Lawson Books wasn’t exactly thrumming with business, but since the job market around Greensburg didn’t have high demand for ex-soldiers with a degree in Art & Linguistics, Steve was simply happy to have a job. And Doc Lawson was cool, if eccentric and she let him do whatever he wanted when the shop was quiet.

Steve just needed to figure out what he wanted to do.

At least if he was bored, there were plenty of books around to read.

Ducking into the back office, Steve made himself a mug of hot chocolate, before heading to the front desk. He pulled out his phone, checking for any messages and feeling like a fool for doing it. Because the only person who could potentially message him was Bucky, and Bucky wasn’t talking to him for some reason, even though Steve had no idea why.

A lump pressed in Steve’s throat, but he forced it down with a gulp of hot chocolate.

Steve wandered through the shop, pulling out books at random, looking for something to read, until he settled on _Angels & Demons_, despite the fact he’d read it several times before in Afghanistan. Tucking himself back behind the counter, Steve sat down and began to read.

He lost himself in the familiar words, finding comfort in the smell of the book and the feeling of the paper beneath his fingers, until the door flew open, the bell clattering, and a woman with dark hair stalked into the shop.

Steve tensed, so much so he dented the pages of the book he noted with guilt, before forcing himself to calm down.

“Hey there,” he called after the woman who disappeared between the shelves.

No reply, which wasn’t unusual, but it still grated. Steve glowered into the empty air, swallowing one, twice, then exhaling slowly. He closed the book, putting it aside, and gulped down the last of his now-lukewarm hot chocolate.

Footsteps announced the woman’s approach before she emerged from the shelves, empty handed and scowling.

“Do you have _The Very Hungry Caterpillar_?” she demanded.

But Steve didn’t hear a word; he was too busy staring in disbelief at the familiar features beneath the curtain of black hair, older than he’d ever seen her, but he was sure it was-

“Jess?”

She blinked at him. And then there was no doubt this was Jessica Jones all grown up.

“Steve? What are you doing here?” Jess asked, her scowl dropping momentarily.

“I work here,” he smirked, knowing exactly what kind of reaction it would elicit from her.

Sure enough, Jess huffed and rolled her eyes, and it was like he was a teenager again, teasing his best friend’s baby sister.

“I didn’t know you were back in town,” she said, pointedly ignoring his terrible attempt at humour. “I thought you joined the army?”

“I did. Got out a few months ago,” he shrugged. “Tried living in Brooklyn again, but…”

But all his friends from college had moved on in the past five years. They all had jobs, and wives or partners, some of them even had kids. And Steve? Steve was in exactly the same place as he was five years before, only with five years’ experience of being shot at.

“What about you?” he changed the subject. “I thought you would’ve been out of here long ago.”

“I was,” Jess replied, her mouth twisting. “I went to New York after I graduated.”

Steve did some quick mental maths in his head and realised, “We were in New York at the same time. You shoulda looked me up.”

“I wish I had,” Jess muttered. She swallowed. “Sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. You alright?” Steve frowned.

“Yeah,” Jess nodded, but her voice was thick, and it was weird because in all the years he’d known her, Steve had _never_ known Jess to cry about anything. Get angry, sure. But crying? Not Jessica.

“Hey, c’mere,” Steve said, rounding the counter to pull her into a hug.

Jess resisted briefly, before burrowing her face into his neck.

“Oh God, I’m sorry,” she sniffed.

“It’s okay,” Steve promised. “It’s okay.”

“It’s just, I went to New York, and I met this guy. This dickhead, and he was an abusive asshole. And then I got away from him, and, and, I had a one night stand and it was fine, it was good. But then I found out I was pregnant, and when I went looking for him, he had a girlfriend and they looked really happy. So… So I decided I’d do it on my own. I mean, how hard can it be? Dad managed to raise five of us all on his. Well, it turns out it’s really fucking hard, Steve. _Really_ fucking hard. And I tried, I really tried, but it was, it was too much so I came home. And I love Dani, I do, I love her and she’s perfect but I’m just so fucking _tired_.”

Jess drew a ragged breath.

Steve squeezed her gently, rocking her slowly back and forth.

“I’m sorry for unloading all that on you,” Jess muttered, pulling back and avoiding his gaze as she scrubbed under her eyes.

“It’s fine,” Steve assured her, keeping his hands on her shoulders.

“It’s just, all my friends are gone,” Jess explained, “And my sisters have their own lives. And Bucky’s just being a fucking asshole.”

“Yeah, I got that impression,” Steve sighed.

“Sorry?” Jess grimaced.

Steve shrugged.

“No offence but I’m happy to see it’s not just me he’s being a dick to?”

Jess snorted.

“It’s definitely not just you. I guess I’m just really lonely.”

“Yeah, I get that,” Steve admitted quietly. Then he realised something. “It sounds like we’re both in need of a friend right now. So if you’ve got a vacancy, I’m interested?”

“A friend sounds nice,” Jess murmured.

And it did. It really.

“So you have a daughter?” Steve grinned. “That’s awesome.”

“Yeah,” Jess smiled, and her expression melted. “Dani. She’s two. I didn’t know it was possible to love someone this much.”

“That’s pretty amazing.”

Jess glanced at her watch and sighed.

“I should probably get back. _The Very Hungry Caterpillar_ , do you have it?”

“Uh, I think so,” Steve replied, moving further into the store.

“It’s Dani’s favourite,” Jess explained, trailing behind him. “And I can’t find it anywhere. I decided it would just be easier to buy a new book. Least then I’ve got a spare."

Steve chuckled, crouching down, running his fingers along the spines of the picture books, until-

“Got it,” he announced, pulling out the book in question and raising it triumphantly.

“You are a lifesaver,” Jess declared.

“I am pretty awesome,” Steve agreed in mock seriousness.

“How much do I owe you?”

“Nothing. It’s on me,” Steve shook his head.

“Steve-“

“I’m two years behind on birthday presents,” he interrupted. “Gotta start making up for it. I insist.”

“Thanks Steve,” Jess smiled. “Hey, you busy tomorrow?”

“Ooh, let me check my diary,” Steve frowned. “Oh look at that: completely empty.”

“Dork,” Jess rolled her eyes. “You could’ve been working, asshole. Anyway, Dad’s trying to convince me to let him babysit Dani, so you wanna hang out? Friend?”

“Sure, that sounds great.”

Jess smiled, her eyes lighting up in the same way they used to when they were teenagers, and she was about to trick Bucky and Steve into doing something embarrassing (which they fell for every time).

“Say… three?” she suggested. “Then after you can stay for dinner.”

“After what?” Steve raised his eyebrows, folding his arms.

“After it’s a surprise,” Jess retorted.

“If it’s a surprise, how do I know what to wear?” Steve asked in mock seriousness. “Come on Jess, I gotta plan my outfit.”

“I’ve seen you dressed as an American flag in the fourth of July parade,” Jess reminded him, “So you really don’t have to worry. And wear jeans.”

“Good jeans?” he teased. “Bad jeans? The skinny ones that make my ass look good?”

“Dumbass,” Jess laughed, punching him in the bicep. “I gotta go. See you tomorrow”

“Yeah, see you then,” Steve grinned.

He watched her leave, smile still on his face, then realised for the first time in a long time, the smile he wore was real.

X

Steve roared along East Vandalia Road, gunning the engine on his Triumph. He loved the thrill that came with the speed, the wind billowing past his ears, giving him a sense of freedom he hadn’t felt since he was a teenager. He leaned into the turns, letting everything go, focusing on nothing but the road and the bike.

Before he knew it, he was braking to turn into the driveway of Winter’s Haven, and for the first time since he left the army, Steve felt like he was home.

Killing the engine, he pulled off his helmet, running a hand through his hair and taking in the farm he’d spent so much of his childhood on. It still looked the same; the same whitewashed farmhouse, the same fields with horses, the same peacefulness unlike anywhere else Steve had ever been.

He grinned.

Swinging his leg over the bike, Steve crossed to the back door and knocked twice. When he was growing up, the Barnes’ never used the front door. The front door was for visitors, and Steve was family. That was what George always used to say.

A figure approached on the other side of the frosted glass, then the door swung open and Steve grinned again, finding himself face to face with George Barnes.

“Steve. My God, look at you,” George beamed proudly. “Come here you.”

“Hey George,” Steve replied, stepping eagerly into George’s hug. “How are you?”

“You know me, I’m always good,” George insisted, closing the door behind him and leading the way through the familiar kitchen and into the living room.

Steve’s eyes instantly fell on the little girl sitting on the floor, playing with a plastic tea set, the teapot lighting up and singing when she poured it.

Whenever he heard anyone talk about love at first sight, Steve had always scoffed, believing there was no such thing as true love at first sight. It was impossible to look at someone and know, in your heart of hearts, that you would love them forever, no questions asked.

But with one look, Steve knew he would love this little girl until the day he died.

She looked up when they entered the room, and Steve could see the swathes of Jess in her features. She stared at him curiously, and Steve’s heart melted.

“And you must be Dani,” he smiled.

“Bah!” Dani replied.

She pushed herself upon onto her feet, tottering across the room until she could grab on to her grandfather’s knees. Dani hide behind George, peeking around his legs at George.

“You’re not shy, are you?” George teased. “Never usually shy, are you Dani?”

But Steve could see Dani’s face, and the cheeky smile she wore, and knew she wasn’t shy at all.

“Hi,” Steve said, crouching down.

Dani emerged from behind George, taking a few wobbly steps until she could press her hands into Steve’s knees. She patted her hands twice, then glanced up at Steve for approval, before bursting into a peal of giggles.

It was the most beautiful sound Steve had ever heard.

Steve heard footsteps approach, smiling up at Jess when she appeared in the doorway.

“Hey Steve,” she greeted.

“Hey Jess. I’m sorry but, I’m ditching you for your daughter,” he informed her. “She’s awesome.”

“Dani, give Steve a high five,” Jess called.

Dani glanced between Steve and her mother, before holding up her hand for Steve to high five.

“Good girl,” Jess praised. “And knuckles?”

Steve sucked in a delighted breath as Dani curled her hand into a fist, bumping it with his own fist.

“And handshake,” Jess finished. “Good girl.”

Steve was completely enchanted with the little girl in front of him.

“Thank you Dani. You’re so smart, aren’t you?” he grinned.

Dani looked around, her forehead creasing into a frown, clearly searching for something.

“Meow meow?” she asked.

“Meow meow is over there,” George pointed, and Steve spotted a soft toy cat abandoned by the fireplace. Dani’s face lit up and she ran over to the toy, scooping it up and swaying back and forth as she cuddled it.

Steve stood up again, wincing as his knees complained, because he was twenty six dammit, he wasn’t old. It shouldn’t hurt to stand up.

“Alright boss, what’s this surprise?” he teased Jess, bumping her shoulder with his elbow.

“When was the last time you were on a horse?” she asked.

“When was the last time I was here?” he countered. “But now I’m guess the answer to that question is going to be today?”

“You got it,” Jess grinned. “Your muscles are going to hurt like a bitch tomorrow. “Dani, come give mom a hug.”

Dani sprinted towards Jess with a piercing squeal, throwing herself into Jess’ legs with another giggle. Jess scooped her up, swinging her through the air and onto her hip before pressing a kiss into Dani’s curls.

“Be good for grampa. Mommy’ll be back soon.”

She handed Dani over to George with reluctance in her eyes.

“Have fun,” George told them.

“See you later,” Steve grinned. “Bye Dani.”

Steve followed Jess back towards the mud room, where he swapped his sneakers out for a pair of riding boots, trying on a few different pairs until he found a pair which were a good fit.

“I’m sure we can find a helmet to fit your fat head,” Jess teased.

Checking Dani hadn’t followed them, Steve raised his hand and flipped her off. Jess just snorted, and led the way out of the door, crossing the yard towards the barn. Steve’s face split into a grin when he spotted Winter tied up in the barn, already tacked up.

“Hey buddy,” Steve cooed, holding out his hand for Winter to sniff. “Hey there. Aw, look at you.”

“Here, try this one,” Jess said, holding out a helmet for him.

Steve popped it on, wriggling his eyebrows to check the fit.

“All good,” he replied, adjusting the chin strap. “You coming with us, boy?” he asked Winter, scratching his dapple grey neck.

“Yeah, I thought you should ride Winter,” Jess explained, “Since he’s used to that mess you call a riding style, rather than subjecting yet another poor horse to you.”

“Fuck you, Jones,” Steve laughed.

So he had an eclectic riding style. Personally, Steve blamed his growth spurt. Growing from five foot four to six foot two almost overnight meant he’d struggled to relearn how to do, well, everything with his increased size. Riding was one thing he’d never managed to do correctly since.

But his style worked for him, and didn’t hurt his horse, plus it horrified anyone who knew anything about horse riding, and Steve had always enjoyed freaking people out.

“Come on Winter,” he said, removing the halter Winter wore over his bridle. Taking Winter’s reins in hand - remembering not to wind them around his fingers - Steve led the big grey horse out of the barn. Behind him, Jess followed with a dainty chestnut horse, leading her mount over to the mounting block.

Forgoing the mounting block, Steve swung himself up into the saddle, before adjusting his stirrups and collecting the reins.

“I don’t think I remember him,” Steve said, nodding towards Jess’ horse.

“Her,” she corrected. “This is Phoenix. She’s a rescue horse dad’s been working with. He was hoping to regime her, but I don’t think it’s going to be possible.”

“What happened to her?” Steve asked as they nudged the horses into a walk.

“She’s an ex-racehorse horse,” Jess explained. “Her owners pushed her too far. She broke. Then they tried to pull her in line using all the bad training techniques.”

“Poor girl,” Steve clucked. “But she’s doing okay now?”

Jess hummed, shaking her head from side to side.

“Depends on the day, and who she’s with. She gets along with Winter cause he’s so calm. But being around high-strung horses just winds her up, sends her backwards. She needs a confident rider, somebody who can reassure her when she gets scared without trying to intimidate her.”

They pulled the horses to a halt at the road, checking for cars, before urging them on. Once they were across the road and on the bridlepath, Jess grinned slyly at him.

“Race you,” she called, and nudged Phoenix into a gallop.

“Hey! That’s cheating!” Steve yelled after her. “Come on boy,” he told Winter, and the horse shot forward after Jess and Phoenix.

In his heart of hearts, Steve knew he and Winter had no chance of catching an ex-racehorse, but his competitive spirit refused to admit defeat so easily. Luckily, Winter loved to run and loved to please his rider, trying his best to catch up with Phoenix. He was such a sure-footed little horse, who knew this trail so well, Steve didn’t really have to do anything. He could just sit back and enjoy the moment, the wind rushing past his ears as he leaned forward a little, lifting his weight off of Winter’s back.

Eventually, Jess pulled Phoenix up, slowing the mare to a walk and waiting for Steve and Winter to catch up at the edge of the road.

“You cheated,” Steve declared, pulling Winter to a halt.

“Did not,” Jess smirked.

“You definitely did.”

Riding down to Clifty Creek felt like coming home. Steve spent most of his childhood in these trees, either on horseback or on foot, chasing after Bucky, creating imaginary world and fighting pretend battles with invisible legions on his side. He breathed deeply, inhaling the smell of the trees and the water, the leaf mulch on the forest floor, the crows _cawing_ in the trees.

“You okay there, Rogers?” Jess called.

“Yeah,” he grinned. “I’m home.”

Phoenix and Winter fell into step as they rode along the edge of the creek; both Steve and Jess lengthened their reins to allow the horses to drop their necks and relax as they investigated the route.

“What’re you going to do now you’re out of the army?” Jess asked, scratching Phoenix’s neck.

“I’m open to suggestions,” Steve replied, “Since I have no ideas.”

“You went to college, right? Before the army?” Jess frowned.

“Art and Linguistics,” Steve nodded. “Then I didn’t use it for five years. Well, I spoke Arabic, Urdu, and Pashto but… the only jobs I can get using them are… not jobs I want.”

He thought about the suit who’d interviewed him for the Department of Defence position, who’d seemed almost gleeful about Steve’s military record, who all but asked how many people he’d killed, and shuddered.

“What about art?” Jess asked. “I remember you used to draw. You did that sketch of Winter for dad.”

“I did,” Steve nodded, staring at her in surprise. “You remember that?”

“Yeah. He’s still got it up in his room. It’s really good. Would you wanna be an artist?”

“I don’t know. I can’t remember the last time I picked up a pencil to draw,” Steve lied, as if he didn’t have notebooks full of images from Iraq and Afghanistan, locked up in the bottom drawer of his desk where he didn’t have to look at them.

Drawing became his way of getting the horrific images out of his head, but in the process, art stopped being something done out of love or enjoyment. Steve was afraid to pick up a pencil again, worried of what might appear on the page if he did.

“What about you?” Steve asked, in a blatant attempt to change the subject that Jess, bless her heart, didn’t mention even if her eyes looked at him knowingly.

“I think I’m gonna work for dad,” she shrugged. “I wasn’t doing anything special in New York, and it’s not like I’ve been to college or anything. And I have Dani. Working with dad lets me spend time with her.”

“How’s business?”

“Too good,” Jess sighed. “Dad’s thinking of expanding. He’d love to take on an apprentice, teach them everything he knows.”

“You don’t wanna do it?”

“I want to run the business,” she explained. “Yelling at people for not paying is much more my style.”

Steve chuckled, “Yeah, I could see you being good at that!”

Jess reached across and punched him in the shoulder, and Steve pretended to wince in pain. The effect was somewhat ruin, he realised, by his giggling, but he couldn’t help himself.

It felt good to laugh and mess around with Jess.

God, he’d missed this.

X

When they arrived back at Winter’s Haven, Steve called, “Is Winter going in or out?” as he dismounted.

“Out. I can sort them out,” Jess replied.

“Nah, I got this,” Steve assured her. “Besides, we’re re-bonding, aren’t we buddy?” he added, scratching Winter’s muzzle.

Winter snorted in agreement.

Steve found his muscles remembered how to untack, even if his brain wasn’t sure, working automatically to remove the saddle and bridle and returning them to the tack room. He gave Winter a quick brush down, removing any dried on sweat, before pulling on his lightweight rug.

“Which paddock?” he asked Jess, who was combing the burrs out of Phoenix’s tail.

“South,” Jess replied.

“On it.”

Winter waited patiently for Steve to open the gate, nudging his shoulder gently once they were inside the paddock.

“Yeah, I know,” Steve chuckled, unclipping the lead rope from Winter’s halter. “I’m a little slow these days. Outta practise. Alright, off you go,” he said, patting Winter’s back.

With a snort, Winter trotted off into the field, shaking his mane and flicking his heels up a little, before dropping his neck to graze.

Steve smiled.

He glanced around, taking in the familiar sights and sounds of the horses in the fields, breathing in the smell which could only classified as horses, and remembered his words to Jess earlier.

_I’m home._

“Hey, dork, you coming?”

Steve turned to find Jess leaning on the gate, her eyebrows raised, smirk on her face.

“Why did I want become friends with you?” Steve teased, flipping her off as he cross the field and slipped out of the gate.

“Because I’m awesome,” Jess informed him.

“Oh yeah, so awesome,” Steve agreed.

Then - because he clearly had no self-preservation instincts - he slung his arm around Jess’ neck and gave her a noogie like they were kids again, before sprinting towards the house, laughing the whole time as she threatened to dismember him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When my mum was a kid, my Granda always used to say "I'm planning on using that door again" when her or my uncles slammed a door.
> 
> My baby cousin does the high five-knuckles-hand shake routine and it is most adorable thing in the world (in fairness _everything_ she does is adorable, but still). She also calls cats meow-meow. Dani is heavily inspired by her.
> 
> Never ever wind reins or a lead rope around your hand while leading a horse or pony. At best, it could result in broken fingers. 
> 
> That amazing moodboard comes from [Eirlyssa](https://eirlyssa.tumblr.com). Please go to tumblr and show Lys some love!
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [weethreequarter](https://weethreequarter.tumblr.com) so feel free to come and chat.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Barnes family (plus Steve) attends a wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for brief dissociation.
> 
> If you haven't read Return to Neverland, it's worth noting Bucky is going through some stuff, and dealing with it badly at this point in his life, and as a result, he's acting like a dick. He sorts his shit out eventually, it just takes five years and one Tony to get him to that point.

**April 2012**

Steve let himself into the house, calling out, “Hey, it’s just me.” He stepped into the living room, grinning when George appeared from the bedroom. “Hey George.”

“Steve, looking sharp,” George smiled, squeezing his shoulder on the way past. “Leaving in five minutes, everyone,” he called.

“Coming!” Jess’ voice floated down from upstairs.

Steve turned when he heard slow footsteps descending the stairs, his heart warmed at the sight of Jess and Dani walking into the room, hand in hand, both in beautiful dresses.

“Wow. Look at you two!” George exclaimed. “You’ll be the two prettiest girls in the place.”

“Don’t tell Marissa that,” Jess chuckled, tucking her hair behind her ear. Steve snorted; he remembered Marissa from high school, and she always loved to be the centre of attention. He was pretty sure she wouldn’t want anyone stealing the attention from her on her wedding day. “Hey, can you watch Dani for a second, I left my purse upstairs?” Jessasked, shifting Dani’s hand into Steve’s.

“No problem. Hey bunny,” Steve beamed.

Dani giggled, wrapping herself around his knees. Steve chuckled, before following her around the room, her hand clenched around his finger with surprising strength. Dani stopped, swaying back and forth, watching the skirt of her dress swish around her knees.

“You like your pretty dress, bunny?” Steve asked.

Dani clenched her fist in her skirt, pulling it out and glancing up to check Steve was watching.

“Yeah, you look beautiful.”

“Got it,” Jess announced. “Dani, come put on your cardigan.”

Dani pouted, shaking her head and hiding behind Steve’s legs.

“Dani.”

“We’re only going like three feet to the car,” Steve reasoned. “She’ll be fine.”

“Alright,” Jess agreed. “Dani, you ready to go?”

“Bucky! Time to go!” George called.

“You want me to take anything?” Steve asked.

“Nah, you got her, it’s fine."

Steve walked towards the back door with Dani still clinging on to his finger, dodging Bucky in the kitchen.

“Bucky,” he nodded.

Bucky paused, looking at Steve blankly for a second, before nodding and disappearing into the living room. Steve rolled his eyes, nudging Dani towards the door.

“Your uncle Bucky’s an idiot,” he whispered, helping her down the back steps.

“Only on days ending in _y_ ,” Jess muttered.

Steve snorted. He bent to pick Dani up, balancing her on his hip as he opened the back door of George’s truck, perching on the seat and lifting Dani into her car seat.

“You want the front seat?” Jess offered as she put the bags into the trunk.

“Nah, you take it,” Steve replied. “I’ll hang out with my best friend here.”

He raised his fist for Dani to bump. Jess chuckled, shaking her head and closing the trunk. She rounded the car, climbing into the passenger seat, twisting to grin at Dani.

“You okay back there, honey?”

Dani beamed at her. Steve watched with fascination as Jess’ face softened, the way it only did when she was looking at Dani. It was… beautiful, watching the usually tough as nails Jessica Jones melt around her daughter.

“You’re a great mom, Jess,” he blurted out.

Jess blinked in surprise.

“Thanks,” she smiled.

Steve settled back in his seat, plugging in his seatbelt. The doors opened on the other side of the truck, George climbing unto the driver’s seat, and Bucky threw himself in on the other side of Dani’s car seat.

“Alright, let’s go,” George announced. “We don’t want to be late on Marissa’s big day.”

“Isn’t every day Marissa’s big day?” Steve asked innocently.

Jess snorted in the passenger seat.

“She likes to think it is.”

“Now kids,” George admonished, but Steve recognised the tone as his _I’m pretending to scold you, but actually I’m going along with this_ tone. “We all know everyday, is Aunt Ida’s day.”

Steve and Jess burst out laughing; even Bucky’s mouth threatened to twitch upwards, but when he noticed Steve watching, Bucky deepened his scowl. Steve shook his head, leaning forward to high five Jess obligingly.

Dani squawked when she saw a high five occurring without her participation, trying desperately to reach her mother and glaring at the car seat straps pinning her in place.

“Sorry bunny, did we forget about you?” Steve grinned, holding up his hand for Dani to high five.

Dani’s face lit up, slapping her hand against Steve’s palm repeatedly, and filling the car with her giggles. They should prescribe Dani’s laughter as a remedy before therapy, Steve decided. Twenty seconds listening to Dani giggle did more for him than group therapy had done.

Not that he needed group therapy.

He was fine.

Totally fine.

“Why are you even here, anyway?” Bucky snapped, rounding on Steve.

Steve reared back, blinking in disbelief at his best friend.

“Bucky!” George exclaimed.

“Because I asked him, asshole,” Jess retorted, whipping around in her seat to glare at Bucky. “Cause maybe I didn’t want to look at your miserable mug all day.”

“Shut up,” Bucky muttered, slouching further into his seat.

“Wow. That’s mature,” Jess rolled her eyes. “Grow up, Bucky.”

“Fuck you Jess.”

Steve clenched his fists, hiding them down beside his thighs, and tried to control his breathing. His throat closed up, and his eyes were burning, and that was just so _stupid_ , dammit, he wasn’t about to cry because his friend said something nasty to him. He wasn’t a kid anymore.

Just because Bucky was acting like a child, didn’t mean he had to react like one.

As soon as George pulled the truck into a parking space at the Hitchin' Post, Bucky released his belt and was out of the door, before George had even pulled on the handbrake. Dani started when he slammed the door; Steve ran his forefinger back and forth across her arm to soothe her.

“He’s going through some stuff,” George said quietly, twisting in his seat to face Steve. “He doesn’t mean it.”

“Sure sounds like he means it,” Jess muttered.

Silently, Steve agreed with Jess.

“He just needs to work through whatever’s in his head,” George insisted. “Don’t let it get to you, Steve.”

“Of course not,” Steve replied, forcing a smile and hoping it looked natural.

He took a deep breath once George stepped out of the truck, turning to unlatch Dani from her car seat, so he could pass her to Jess as soon as she opened the door.

“Dad’s being too soft on him,” Jess murmured. “What Bucky needs is good kick up the ass.”

“You’re usually happy to oblige in that department,” Steve smiled, climbing out of the truck.

“Honestly? Right now I don’t feel like he’s worth my time,” she sighed, hoisting Dani up onto her hip. “Uncle Bucky’s being a jerk, isn’t he? Yes, he is. Yes, he is. Here, can you hold her while I get this cardigan on her?”

“Sure,” Steve nodded.

He took Dani, bouncing her once, twice, before holding her still so Jess could wrestle her into the cardigan, much to Dani’s chagrin.

“Would you like a photo?” a voice asked behind them.

Jess and Steve turned to find the wedding photographer smiling at them eagerly.

“Sure,” Jess shrugged.

She wrapped her arm around Steve’s waist, tucking herself into his side. At the last minute, Steve tickled the back of Dani’s knees, causing her to laugh out loud just in time for the picture.

“We should get one with dad,” Jess suggested, glancing around for her father.

“I think he’s still Bucky wrangling,” Steve pointed out. The photographer looked at them questioningly; he waved her off, and explained, “Need to find the rest of the family,” and it wasn’t until hours later Steve would realise what he’d said and wonder why it felt so natural to call them his family.

When they were done, Dani wriggled to be let down; Steve crouched, setting her on her feet, and checking she had her balance before releasing her. Dani set off towards the trees with a glint in her eye.

“Looks like I’m going this way,” Steve called over his shoulder.

“I’m going to go find dad,” Jess replied.

Steve waved, before breaking into a jog to keep up with Dani in her charge across the grass.

X

“Stop laughing at me!” Steve exclaimed, throwing Jess what he hoped was a disgruntled glare.

(He suspected it came out looking more like fond exasperation)

“I can’t believe you cried,” Jess laughed.

“I always cry at weddings,” he muttered. “Weddings are… It’s good tears!”

“I don’t know,” Jess whispered in his ear. “Josh is marrying Marissa, so…”

Steve snorted, leaning their foreheads together as they tried in vain to hold back their laughter. A tug on his trousers alerted him to Dani’s presence; she pouted up at them, clearly feeling like she was missing out on something more important than laughing at her mom’s cousin.

“Sorry bunny, were we ignoring you?” he grinned.

Dani patted his knees, looking up expectantly, until Steve shuffled his feet to the side, widening his legs so Dani could duck back and forth between then.

“Oh, don’t you all look adorable!” a voice cooed.

When he turned and spotted Jess and Bucky’s Aunt Ida, Steve’s heart sank. If anyone ever wondered where Marissa got her need to be the centre of attention, they need look no further than her mother.

“Hi Aunt Ida,” Jess smiled. From his position at her side, Steve could see the strain at the corner of her smile, and the slightly desperate look in her eyes only the thought of a conversation with Aunt Ida could conjure up. He squeezed Jess’ hand in solidarity.

“Oh, look at you!” Aunt Ida twittered. “I’m so happy for you, Jessie.”

Ouch. Jess _hated_ being called Jessie. Even Bucky wasn’t stupid enough to call her Jessie, in jest or in anger.

“After all that nasty business in New York,” Aunt Ida continued, oblivious to the growing tension in Jess’ jaw, “I’m so relieved you’ve found someone! And you’ve adopted such a beautiful little girl too.”

Wait, what?

“Of course, _traditionally_ ,” Aunt Ida rattled on, “Marriage comes before children, like my Marissa and Josh - he’s such a good boy, works for a _bank_ , did you know? Anyway, traditionally marriage comes first, but she’s such a little doll, I’m sure we can forgive you.”

Dani stared at Aunt Ida with an expression of bemused disinterest as she attempted to tickle Dani’s cheek. Dani squirmed away, leaning back into Steve’s chest and pushing Aunt Ida’s hand away with an emphatic, “No.”

Aunt Ida’s mouth twitched downwards as she pulled away, before she attempted to cover it with an obviously fake smile.

“Aunt Ida,” Jess began, “Steve and I, we’re not-“

“We’re not together,” Steve took over.

“We’re just friends,” Jess finished.

Aunt Ida gaped between the three of them, her mouth twisting in confusion.

“You adopted a child… with a friend?” she frowned.

“No,” Jess shook her head. “Dani’s not adopted. She’s _my_ daughter.”

“Where’s her father?”

“She doesn’t need one,” Jess snapped, glowering at her aunt. “She has me. And she has dad and Steve, and if he ever pulls his head out of his ass, she’s got Bucky too.”

“I just assumed-“

“You shouldn’t assume anything,” Jess interrupted.

Dani twisted back and forth in Steve’s arms; she could tell her mom was upset, and it clearly distressed her. Steve ran a soothing hand up and down her spine. He touched Jess’ elbow to let her know he was leaving, then carried Dani away, so Jess could chew out her aunt in peace.

“Here we go bunny,” Steve murmured. “Is that better? Mom’s Aunt Ida is very silly. Imagine thinking me and your mom are couple? That’s crazy.”

So crazy, he’d never even thought about it.

Except…

Except it didn’t feel crazy, now he was thinking about it.

Jess was beautiful, which he’d known for years without realising. And she was funny and smart and was probably even more sarcastic than he was, which was impressive. But she was his friend. And more importantly, she was his best friend’s sister. Dating her would be weird.

Wouldn’t it?

“I could date you mom, could I?” Steve asked Dani quietly.

Dani stared into his face solemnly, before raising her hand and declaring, “Boop,” as she poked him on the nose.

Steve snorted.

“So that’s what you think of that idea, huh?” he teased.

Glancing across the room, he saw Aunt Ida had caught Bucky now, who wore a smile that looked more like a grimace. A vicious part of Steve thought Bucky deserved to deal with Ida after the way he’d been acting recently, before he was flooded with guilt. Scanning the room, he found Jess on the dance floor with George, her lips twitching into a reluctant smile.

“You wanna go dance with your mom?” Steve suggested, setting Dani down on her feet.

“Dance!” Dani declared.

“Off you go,” Steve nodded.

“Dance!” Dani repeated, tugging his hand forcefully.

“Oh no. I don’t dance.”

“Dance!”

“Fine, let’s dance,” Steve chuckled, and allowed Dani to pull him onto the dance-floor.

Eventually he passed Dani off to Jess, pointing towards the bar and negotiating the dance floor to reach it. He caught the bartender’s attention, then leaned back against the bar while he waited. He smiled softly, watching Jess bounce Dani on her hip as they danced together.

“I swear, Aunt Ida dances like a squirrel on meth,” Bucky declared, appearing out of the crowd and leaning over the bar.

Steve chuckled.

“Least if she’s dancing she can’t talk,” Steve pointed out tentatively, relieved to find Bucky talking to him.

“Lord, ain’t that the truth,” Bucky sighed. “She catch you yet?”

“No, she, uh, she tried talking to me and Jess earlier and, long story short, Jess tore her a new one so I’m pretty sure she’s avoiding us now.”

“Probably for the best,” Bucky shrugged. “I mean, the two of you dancing together? That’s a disaster waiting to happen.”

“Hey!” Steve objected. “I’m not that bad!”

Bucky glanced up at him, his face alight with mischief, and for a moment, Steve thought he had his best friend back. But then Bucky’s expression shuttered, as if he’d only just realised who he was talking to, before disappearing into the crowd.

Steve’s throat ached. He tried to swallow, and felt his eyes prickle, and goddammit, not this again, Jesus. He was _fine_ , even if Bucky was a total asshole.

Forgetting about his drink, Steve returned to their table. The noise of the party faded into the background, and Steve lost himself in his head, until Jess’s voice broke through.

“Somebody’s getting tired,” she announced.

Steve’s head snapped up; sure enough, Dani was leaning her head against Jess’ shoulder and yawning.

“You wanna head out?”

“Yeah, I think so,” Jess agreed. “Dad’s keys are in my purse, I’ll just-“

“I got it,” Steve assured her.

He collected Jess’ purse and shouldered the diaper bag, searching through the detritus in Jess’ purse until he found the keys to George’s truck.

“I should tell dad we’re going,” Jess said.

“Want me to take Dani?” Steve offered.

“Yeah, thanks.” Jess eased Dani into his arms, running a hand through her hair as she rested her head against Steve’s shoulder. “I’ll meet you outside, yeah?”

“Sure,” he nodded.

The night air was cool when Steve stepped out of the barn, making his way through the parking lot slowly, lest he jostle Dani and wake her up. Glancing up, he gazed at the stars, twinkling above their heads. The last time he’d looked at the stars, he was in Basra, in a war zone, a million miles away from here, in Indiana, with Dani in his arms.

That lump was back in his throat. Steve blinked, pressing a kiss into Dani’s hair.

“Come on, bunny,” he whispered. “Let’s get you home.”

Unlocking the truck, Steve climbed carefully into the back seat and eased Dani into her car seat. She stirred as he pulled the straps over her arms; Steve patted her stomach gently, and murmured, “It’s okay bunny. It’s only me,” and Dani stilled once more.

Steve watched her sleep, drinking her in. Dani was a living, breathing reminder he was here, and no longer in Afghanistan or Iraq.

“You’re perfect,” he whispered. “You’ll always be perfect to me.”

Climbing out of the back seat, Steve rounded the truck to the driver’s seat to wait for Jess.

A few seconds later, the passenger door opened, and Jess hopped up into the seat.

“Ready to go?” he asked.

“Yeah,” Jess smiled, glancing into the back seat at Dani. “Thanks for driving.”

“No problem,” Steve replied, pulling out of the parking lot. “I don’t really drink anymore anyway, so it’s no big deal to be designated driver. Your dad getting a taxi back later?”

“Yeah. With Bucky.”

“Right,” Steve nodded.

“You okay?” Jess asked, studying his expression.

“Yeah, I’m fine.”

“You know, you say you’re fine a lot,” Jess observed.

Damn her for being so observant.

“I am fine,” he replied.

“In my experience, the people who say they’re fine, usually aren’t fine.”

Steve gripped the wheel, breathing deeply, because he didn’t know what to say to that. What was there to say? Jess was wrong. She sounded like his doctor, or Sam at the VA. She was even looking at him like them, and it made his skin crawl.

“I’m fine,” he repeated.

“Okay,” Jess nodded. “But just so you know, if you’re ever not fine? I want you to promise me something. Promise me you will talk to me.”

Steve swallowed.

“Okay,” he agreed. “I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [weethreequarter](https://weethreequarter.tumblr.com) so feel free to come and chat.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which there are aliens, and life-changing revelations.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those looking to avoid smut, stop when it gets too much for you, and rejoin after the next break. There is a conversation alluding to past abuse, but it never mentions anything specific, merely what Jess is comfortable with. There are a couple of brief mentions to past unsafe sex, not related to the past abuse.
> 
> Contains minor spoilers for Alien. It's the only movie of the Alien franchise I've seen, so all other views on the Alien movies come from the internet or my former boss, who once spent like an hour explaining the whole franchise to me, with a diagram.

**June 2012**

“Every time I watch this movie, I always think who would risk their life against a huge freaking alien for a cat?” Steve said, as they watched Ripley sneak through the spaceship looking for Jones.

“Bucky,” Steve and Jess chorused.

“Hey Steve?” Jess frowned.

Steve hummed, without looking away from the screen, where Parker was unsuccessfully attempting to stop the alien from killing Lambert.

“We probably should’ve stopped watching this when Dani woke up.”

That... was a very good point, Steve realised, a little guiltily and forty minutes too late.

“I’ll go halfsies with you on her eventual therapy?” he suggested. “Although to be fair, she doesn’t seem that upset,” he added, nodding to where Dani was inching closer to the TV whenever she thought Jess wasn’t paying attention.

“True.”

Dani clapped her hands, scooting forward on her butt, her face lighting up. Steve frowned, glancing between her and the screen, as the alien killed Parker.

“Is she cheering for the alien?”

“I think she is,” Jess agreed. “I’m not sure if I should laugh or be very afraid.”

“I’m going with laughing,” Steve decided, “Because I don’t wanna think too much about what it implies.”

“Good plan. Dani, move back,” Jess called. “Dani. _Dani_.”

“I got her,” Steve said, levering himself off of the couch. “Come here, bunny. We’ve already put you in therapy until you’re thirty with the movie, let’s not burn your eyes out too.”

Dani squawked indignantly as Steve picked her up, pulling her back a few feet from the TV. He ignored her pout, leaning down to drop a kiss against her temple.

“There you go,” Steve said, falling back onto the couch.

He settled back against the cushions, watching Ripley activate MOTHER’s self destruct sequence, until he realised Jess was watching him out of the corner of his eye.

“What? Have I got something in my teeth?”

Jess laughed.

“No, I just… I just realised something. You’re like a dad to Dani.”

Steve froze. His heart jumped to his throat, and suddenly the bacon and three cheese pizza seemed like a bad idea, because it sat heavy in his gut, the lingering taste of grease in his mouth making his stomach roll.

“Uhm… I’m sorry,” he managed, his voice hoarse. “I’ll, uh, I’ll take a step back.”

“Steve, no,” Jess shook her head, squeezing his bicep. “That’s not what I want. Steve, I’m _happy_ she’s got you in her life. I’m happy she has someone who loves her enough to be like a dad to her.”

Steve gaped, feeling the lump in his throat press against his windpipe. He swallowed, then again, before he felt able to even attempt to speak.

“Alright, this is getting too heavy, pass me the, uh, the peanuts so I can throw ‘em in the air and catch them in my mouth, because the last time I cried in front of you, you punched me in the nuts and called me a wuss.”

“I was nine!” Jess exclaimed.

“You saying you wouldn’t do that now?”

“I plead the fifth,” Jess replied, sliding down in her seat and biting her lips, laughing loudly when Steve elbowed her in the side. “You’re going to be a great dad to your own kids one day.”

“Yeah. Maybe,” Steve replied, with a sinking feeling.

He settled back to watch the rest of _Alien_ , although he found himself captivated more by Dani than the movie he’d seen multiple times before. He’d loved her from the moment he saw her, but now he knew Jess was okay with him being close to her daughter, it was as though he had permission to love her the way he wanted to.

Dani cried out, her little face falling into a horrified expression when she realised the alien was dead. She turned, looking up at Steve imploringly, as if asking him to bring the alien back to life.

“Sorry bunny, he’s gone. Fried,” Steve told her.

“But there’s five other movies in the franchise,” Jess added, leaning forward to snatch the remote from the coffee table.

“Yeah, if we’re gonna pay for your therapy, might as well make it worth it,” Steve grinned, leaning forward and scooping Dani up into his lap.

He heard the back door close, then George’s voice called out, “Hey guys.”

“Hi dad,” Jess replied.

“Hey George,” Steve smiled when George appeared in the doorway of the kitchen.

“Hey little lady,” George called, grinning at Dani. “What’re you doing up?”

“Apparently somebody wasn’t tired,” Steve replied, bouncing Dani on his knee. “So she decided to come hang out with us and watch _Alien_ , didn’t you? She was rooting for the alien.”

“Course she was,” George shook his head.

“Hey, wonder who she’d think was the villain in _Alien vs. Predator_?” Steve wondered.

“Like everyone else, the writers,” Jess replied.

Steve chuckled, evading Dani’s waving hands before blowing a raspberry against her belly and making her laugh out loud.

“Isn’t there a new one of those out?” George asked, nodding towards the TV, where the DVD menu showed pictures of the alien.

“Yeah, _Prometheus_ ,” Steve nodded _._ “It’s in theatres.”

“You two gonna go?”

Steve shrugged, leaning back while keeping an eye on Dani as she decided to crawl across the couch, ready to grab her if she went a little too close to the edge. Instead, Dani decided she wanted to climb on the back of the couch.

“I’d have to go up to the city for that, so…”

“So what?”

“So I’m old and lazy,” Steve grinned.

George rolled his eyes, “You’re twenty seven, Steve. You’re not old. You two should go up, see the movie. You could even spend the night.”

“Oh, I don’t know about that,” Jess shook her head. “We’d have to leave Dani, and… I don’t know.”

Steve put his hand on Dani’s butt, helping her keep her balance in her quest to climb onto the back of the couch, and tried not to think too much about how right it felt for Jess to say _We’d have to leave Dani_.

 _We_.

Like they were a family.

Ever since Aunt Ida’s totally erroneous assumptions about them at Marissa’s wedding, Steve had been preoccupied with that idea. Of family. Specifically, a family with Jess and Dani.

And holy shit, he wanted that more than he’d ever wanted anything before in his life.

“You know, I did raise five of you to adulthood singlehandedly,” George pointed out. “I think I can successfully watch your daughter for one night.”

“I know, I just…”

“Jess, you gotta leave her sometime,” George said gently. “Go to the city for a night, watch the movie, have fun. Dani will be fine.”

Jess turned to Steve.

“What do you think?”

“Yeah, sure,” Steve nodded, with conviction he didn’t feel.

Conviction that apparently did not come through the way he hoped, because George snorted and rolled his eyes.

“Go,” he insisted. “Have fun. That’s an order.”

X

It took six miles for the feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach to fall away.

The entire week, the thought of leaving Dani behind when they went into the city had lingered in Steve’s mind. It felt wrong leaving her, not because he didn’t trust George - on the contrary, he trusted George with pretty much anything, considering the man was the closest thing to a father he’d ever had - but because he’d developed a protective streak a mile wide in regards to Dani. And knowing that both he and Jess would be away from her was… not a comforting thought.

At least he had Jess with him, curled around his back as they rode up the highway towards Shelbyville.

They were both quiet when they arrived in the city, locking up Steve’s bike and heading in to the movie theatre. Jess put up a token argument when Steve insisted on buying their tickets, but he waved her off with a, “You can get it next time.”

When the lights dimmed, Steve itched to look around for Dani and find her, even though objectively he knew she was back at Winter’s Haven with George. Jess sighed at his side; Steve wrapped his arm around her shoulder, pulling her into his side until Jess leaned her head against his shoulder.

“I miss her too,” he whispered.

Jess squeezed his knee in reply.

Two hours later, they left the cinema, shrugging on their leather jackets as they headed outside.

Steve said, “That was…”

“That was really bad,” Jess finished.

“It was,” Steve agreed. “Especially Fassbender’s hair. That was… That was not a good look.”

“Definitely not.”

“So, hotel?” he suggested.

“It’s only eight fifteen,” Jess pointed out, glancing at her watch. “We _cannot_ go to bed at eight fifteen. We’re in our twenties.”

“Alright. Any suggestions?”

“We could go dancing?”

“I don’t dance,” Steve shook his head.

“Come on! Please?” Jess pleaded, batting her eyelashes. “I haven’t been dancing since before Dani was born.”

“That is terrifying,” Steve said. “And you danced at Marissa’s wedding two months ago.”

“I danced. I haven’t been dancing,” Jess argued. “There’s a difference.”

“I’m going to lose this argument, aren’t I?”

“Yeah,” she nodded. Grabbing his hand, she tugged him down the street. “Let’s go, Rogers.”

Steve sighed and rolled his eyes, chuckling to himself as Jess pulled him down the street with surprising strength.

A few blocks down from the movie theatre, Jess found a bar playing music with a tiny but cramped dance-floor. Steve settled himself at the bar with a beer each, barely managing to catch Jess’ leather jacket when she tossed it at him, before disappearing into the crowd.

He smiled softly, watching her dance. Her expression lost the hunted look which seemed to linger behind her eyes as she lost herself in the music, ignoring anyone who wanted to dance with her. Steve felt the familiar tug of attraction, a near constant when he was around Jess since the wedding.

God, she was beautiful.

Seeing her like this, Steve wondered if this was what she looked like before that bastard in New York got his claws into her.

“Having fun?” he called over the music when Jess bounced over to him, taking a long swig of her beer.

“Oh yeah,” she grinned. “You wanna join in?”

“No, thank you.”

“Loser,” she rolled her eyes, already moving back onto the dance-floor.

Steve flipped her off, but Jess just threw her head back and laughed, inaudible over the bass. But Steve fancied he could hear it anyway, so similar to Dani’s laugh, ringing in his ears.

“We should probably see about getting a hotel,” Steve said, over an hour later, when Jess came over for another drink.

“Yeah,” she nodded. “But first…” Jess grabbed his hand and started pulling him towards the dance-floor.

“No,” Steve shook his head.

“Yes,” she insisted. “On dance. It’s a slow one. Come on. Please?”

Steve sighed, trying to pretend he was going to put up at least a token protest. But Jess was looking at him with wide eyes, and that carefree smile he wished she wore all the time, and he knew he was going to fold like a bad poker hand.

“Fine,” he acquiesced.

He let her pull him into the middle of the dance-floor, where the music had slowed from its previous frantic beat.

“Alright. You put this hand on my waist,” Jess explained, planting his right hand on her waist. “Good man. And hold my hand with this one. And then we just sway.”

“Just like that, huh?”

“Just like that.”

And then they were dancing. Dancing didn’t seem so scary when it was with Jess, Steve realised. It was… nice. No, more than nice, his hand on her waist, her palm both soft and calloused against his.

Another couple stumbled towards them, and Steve’s hand pressed into Jess’ back instinctively, pulling her closer to avoid them. He glowered at the couple, before glancing down to find Jess staring up at him, her mouth falling open a little.

His breath caught.

They were pressed together from chest to hip, and Steve was hit by an overwhelming urge to kiss Jess.

His eyes flickered down to her lips, before snapping back up. Jess swallowed. Then her hand began moving from his bicep, fingers tracing up his shoulder until they reached his neck, where they tangled in the short hair there.

“Jess,” he whispered.

“Kiss me,” she commanded quietly, and Steve didn’t need to be told twice.

He leaned down, capturing her lips in a kiss, nothing more than a soft press of lips.

Until Jess surged up onto her toes, her grip on his hand going tight for balance, running her tongue against the seam of his lips. Steve’s lips fell open and he licked his way into her mouth. He swirled his tongue around Jess’, before sucking her bottom lip between his teeth, and Jess let out a faint whimper Steve felt more than he heard it.

He gasped, breaking their kiss, their lips barely touching as they breathed in each other’s air.

Jess’ pupils were blown wide, and holy shit, Steve could feel himself start to get hard.

Jess caught his mouth in another bruising kiss, and this time Steve wasn’t sure which one of them groaned. Maybe it was both of them. He didn’t care.

“Let’s get out of here,” Jess panted.

Steve nodded.

He kept his arm around Jess’ shoulder protectively while they hurried back to the bar, grabbing their leather jackets and all but running towards the door.

“Where’s the nearest hotel?” Jess asked as they hurried down the street, hand in hand, back to Steve’s bike.

“Bout a mile away,” he replied, tossing her a helmet and climbing onto the Triumph.

Jess jumped on behind him, her knees locking on either side of his thighs and her arms wrapping around his waist. Steve’s breath caught. He squeezed her hands once, before firing up the engine, flicking down his visor and racing down the street.

The journey was just long enough fo Steve to start to think, and thinking was usually dangerous. But in this case, maybe thinking was a good thing. He couldn’t do this, he realised, if it was going to be a one time thing. Jess was far too important for that.

They stumbled into the hotel, and Jess didn’t even argue when Steve paid for the room. Her hand was on his waist, and Steve could feel it, burning through his shirt like a brand, claiming him.

Then they were in the elevator, riding up to the fourth floor, and Jess stepped into his side, grasping his chin with one hand and turning him towards her. She kissed him languidly, with the underlying heat a promise of what’s to come. Steve caught her hand, cradling it to his chest.

“Steve,” she whispered.

The elevator dinged quietly, announcing their arrival.

“Come on,” he murmured.

Steve slipped the key card into the lock until the little light flashed green, and the lock clicked open, and then they were inside. As soon as the door closed, Jess stepped forward, but Steve caught her hands, using them to keep some - not much, but some - distance between them. Surprise, then confusion flickered across her face.

“Jess, I can’t do this if it’s just, just one night, just sex,” Steve explained. “I… I care about you.”

“What do you want, Steve?” Jess murmured.

Steve couldn’t remember the last time someone asked him what he wanted.

“I want… I wanna take you out. On a date,” he admitted.

“You mean like going to see a movie? Or dancing?” Jess smirked. “Or going for drinks at Logan’s? Or kicking your ass at Parkside? Steve, we already do all that.”

“Then, I wanna keep doing it. But I wanna be able to kiss you. And tell you how beautiful you look. And tell you how nothing makes me feel the way I do when I’m watching you with Dani,” he declared, with courage he didn’t know he had. “And I wanna treat you the way you should be treated.”

“Dammit,” Jess whispered, smiling into his chest. “You know, you could make it real easy for a girl to fall in love with you, Steve Rogers.”

His breath caught.

“My evil plan is working,” he grinned.

Jess chuckled, shaking her head while cupping the back of his head and pulling him down for a long-awaited kiss.

They stumbled backwards in a tangle of limbs towards the bed, divesting each other of their clothes until they fell down, pressed together with only their underwear separating them, with Jess on top of him.

“ _Please_ say you’ve got condoms,” Jess groaned as Steve gripped her ass and pulled her impossibly closer.

Steve nipped below her ear once, twice, before sliding out from under her and tripping over his shoes in his haste to reach his overnight bag.

“Uh, yeah,” he replied, rummaging through his washrag with a hint of desperation. “Ah ha! Not that we need it, I’m clean,” he added, climbing back onto the bed.

He wasn’t exactly what you’d call careful during his time in the army, and once he was discharged, he’d sobered up and realised exactly how dangerous what he’d done - or not done, as the case may be - was, and had himself tested. Twice. There’d been no one since then.

Jess chuckled, sitting back to allow him to lie down, before bracketing his shoulders with his arms.

“I don’t doubt that,” she replied, leaning down to kiss him. “Not exactly what I’m worried about. I don’t wanna get pregnant again.”

Steve froze.

Jess pulled back a little, frowning down at him.

“You okay?”

“That’s, uh, that’s not going to be a problem,” he replied, his voice hoarse. “I can’t. I can’t have kids.”

“What?”

Steve swallowed, the familiar taste of bitter anger in his throat.

“I can’t have kids,” he repeated. “I had chemo when I was a kid, and it’s a side effect.”

“Steve…”

“It’s fine,” he lied, as if it hadn’t driven him into practising unsafe sex because he was an idiot like that.

“Steve, you’re already a dad,” Jess said softly.

His eyes snapped up to meet her’s, Steve staring up at her in confusion and disbelief. Jess just smiled at him, before kissing him gently.

“You’re Dani’s dad,” she admitted, her words causing Steve’s breath to catch in his throat. “You’ve been her dad from the moment you saw her. I know no matter what happens between us, you will always love her, and you’ll always be there for her.”

Time stood still as Steve gazed in awe at the wonderful, beautiful, perfect woman above him. He cupped her cheek with his hand, needing the contact, because without it, he felt like he might float away. A shiver ran down his spine.

“Jess,” he choked, pulling her in for a bruising kiss. “Jess, oh God, Jess, I…”

Jess raked her nails through his hair; Steve groaned, his hips bucking up. He gripped her hip, sliding his hand up, round, onto her back until he reached her bra.

“Can I?” he murmured, running his finger underneath the edge of her bra.

“Yeah,” Jess nodded breathlessly.

Steve kissed her once more, before unhooking her bra and helping her pull it off, and suddenly this whole thing felt a lot more real than it did five minutes ago. Jess sat back, her hands going to his boxers, before looking up at him questioningly. Steve nodded, lifting his hips so Jess could pull down his boxers before tossing them aside.

The silence seemed to crackle with electricity. Perhaps it was the anticipation, the realisation this was finally happening. But, Steve thought to himself, he wouldn’t have changed anything about their relationship. He was glad they’d become friends first, rather than falling straight into a relationship.

He pushed Jess back gently, leaning down to kiss her once, then twice, then a third time. Then he sat back, between her knees, and pulled down her panties, until they were both naked.

Steve’s breath caught.

“You’re beautiful,” he rasped. He ran his hand up her thigh. “So, just, so fucking perfect.”

He leaned forward, but Jess’ hand on his chest stopped him.

“I can’t be pinned down,” she explained, looking apologetic. “And I’m not always comfortable being on the bottom. And nothing involving pain or humiliation or begging.”

“Okay,” Steve promised. “Jess, if you say stop, I will always stop. No matter what.”

“I know,” she whispered. “I trust you.”

Steve kissed the inside of her knee, making his way up the inside of her thigh, being careful not to press down on her hip when he finally leaned down to taste her. Jess groaned, rocking against his mouth, her hand curling in his hair.

“Steve,” she whined.

It had been a while since he’d had sex with a woman - not since Peggy, when they were fooling around, before she admitted what he’d always known, that she had feelings for Daniel - but he still remembered _exactly_ what to do. He’d never understood why some men were reluctant to go down on their girlfriends; he’d always loved being able to get them off with only his tongue and his fingers.

Jess writhed and cried out, going tense then falling back, batting his head away. Steve sat up, grinning proudly when he saw the flush colouring Jess’ naturally pale skin, the sheen of sweat glinting in the lamplight.

“You’re really good at that,” she gasped.

“Thank you,” he grinned.

Then Jess grinned wickedly at him, and before he knew what was happening, she’d flipped him onto his back. Jess straddle his thighs, leaning down to suck on Steve’s neck; Steve splayed his hands across her back, keeping his touch light, which earned him an appreciative kiss from Jess.

She licked and nipped her way down his body, hesitating at his chest where, after a quick glance up to confirm, she pulled one nipple between her teeth, biting gently before laving it with her tongue, tweaking the one finger with her fingers. Steve’s body burned underneath her, leaving him light-headed and dizzy, and harder than he’d ever been in his life.

“Jess,” he whimpered. “Oh God, yeah, that’s good sweetheart, that’s so good.”

Jess resumed her descent, sucking a bruise into the soft skin above his hip, while she retrieved the condoms from where Steve had dropped them earlier. Tearing the first packet open, she rolled it onto his dick slowly, so slowly, until Steve was whining, his hips trying in vain to jerk upwards only to be thwarted by Jess’ weight on his legs. Jess leaned down, grinding their hips together, and fucking Steve’s mouth with her tongue.

“Ready?” she whispered.

“Wait,” Steve panted. He pushed himself up, until he was leaning back against the headboard. “Can we…? Like this?” he asked. “I wanna hold you, not hold you down, I mean-“

Jess cut him off with a kiss.

“I know what you mean,” she replied, tucking his hair behind his ear.

(He needed to get a haircut, he realised, and why was he thinking about this when he had the most beautiful woman in the world naked in his lap?)

Jess stroked him once, before straddling him again and gripping his shoulders, her nails digging into his skin like tiny pinpricks. Steve held his dick steady, squeezing the base to ward off his orgasm, and then Jess was sinking down onto his dick, slowly sheathing him in the heat of her body, and all Steve could do was stare up at her in wonder. Once seated, Jess pressed their foreheads together, both sticky with sweat, taking a moment to adjust. Steve’s hands skated over every bit of skin he could reach. Sparks danced along his spine, as he pressed soft kisses to Jess’ neck.

Then she rolled her hips and began to move, drawing a moan from Steve’s throat. He watched in awe as she rode him, setting a pace just on the right side of agonising and so, so perfect, controlled by thigh muscles developed from a childhood of horse riding. It was so fucking sexy, how strong Jess was.

His hips snapped up to meet her’s, and soon they had the perfect rhythm going. Steve panted into her neck, biting down on Jess’ collarbone before laving the red mark with his tongue.

“Jess,” he keened. “Oh, honey, yeah, that’s it.”

“Steve. Steve, I need, oh God, you are,” Jess babbled, before grabbing his chin and yanking their mouthes together, their teeth clicking as the kiss turned sloppy.

Their rhythm faltered, turning erratic, as time seemed to slow. And Steve felt like he was burning up. He could feel his need coiling like a spring, but he was determined Jess should come again first. He adjusted the angle of his thrusts; it took him a few attempts, but then Jess gasped, clutching the back of his neck tightly and hanging on, letting him take over entirely.

“Yeah, Steve, that’s, that’s it,” she whined.

“I’ve got you,” Steve assured her.

When she came this time, Jess wailed his name, clenching around him, before falling against Steve’s chest. Steve peppered her with kisses while she came down, controlling his movements as much as possible.

“Keep going,” she whispered.

“You sure?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, her face rubbing against his shoulder.

Steve’s hips snapped upwards again, using his grip on Jess’ hips to set a rhythm, which quickly fell apart as his need became too much. His hips slammed up once more, and then he was coming with a groan, everything turning instantly to white noise.

When he came back to himself, Jess was stroking his hair. Steve lets his head fall back against the headboard with a quiet _thunk_ , and stared up at her. Jess smiled, before climbing off of him and falling onto the other side of the bed. Steve forced himself to move, crawling out of bed and stumbling to the bathroom to remove the condom and clean up.

“What are you smiling at?” he asked when he returned.

“Hate to see you leave, but damn do I love to watch you go,” Jess smirked.

Steve chuckled, climbing back into bed and leaning over her, bending down for a soft kiss that grew into two, three, four, and then he stopped counting.

“That was incredible,” Jess whispered.

“Yeah,” Steve agreed.

 _I love you_ , he thought.

But he couldn’t say that, it was way too soon, and no one would believe an I love you declaration straight after sex, not for the first time.

Instead, he picked up her hand, pressing a kiss to her knuckles, before lying down and falling asleep with Jess’ hand clutched to his chest.

X

The first thing Steve saw when he woke was Jess, her face half smushed into the pillow, the other half hidden by her hair.

He smiled, carefully picking her hair out of her face until he could see Jess, mouth slack with sleep and eyeliner smudged around her eyes.

Beautiful.

Steve couldn’t imagine ever wanting someone as much as he wanted Jess. And it wasn’t just physically; it was about wanting to know her, to make her smile and laugh, to take care of her when she needed it, and to support her when she didn’t.

She was smart, strong, capable and sexy, and for some reason she wanted him too.

 _I’m a lucky man_ , he thought.

Jess stirred with a low whine in her throat, turning her face further into the pillow, before blinking sleepily at him.

“Hey,” Steve whispered.

“Hi,” Jess mumbled, voice thick with sleep.

This. This was how Steve wanted to start every day for the rest of his life, with Jess by his side. The only way it could be better was if he knew Dani was asleep down the hall.

Once awake, they both felt the urge to get home and see Dani again. They hurried through showers and breakfast, before checking out and heading to the parking lot where they’d left Steve’s bike the night before. During the journey back to Winter’s Haven, all Steve could think about was the fact Jess had called him Dani’s dad the night before.

 _No matter what happens between us_ , she’d said.

Pulling into the driveway, Steve killed the engine. Jess hopped off, removing her own helmet, before pulling off Steve’s and leaning down to kiss him. It was supposed to be a quick kiss, but then one of them deepened it, and Steve wasn’t sure who was responsible but he had one arm around Jess’ waist, holding her close as they kissed.

Until someone cleared their throat behind them, causing them to jerk backwards.

George stood on the doorstep, arms folded, a knowing smirk playing around his lips. They stared at each other for an awkward moment, until George snorted and muttered, “About damn time,” and disappeared back inside.

Steve grinned sheepishly up at Jess.

“Come on,” she smiled. “Let’s go see Dani.”

“Yeah,” Steve nodded, climbing off of the bike, and allowing Jess to lead him inside.

Dani let out a delighted squeal when she saw Jess, throwing herself at her mother’s knees and giggling.

“Hi baby girl,” Jess greeted her, crouching down and pulling her into a hug. “Oh, I missed you so much. Were you good for grandpa?” Then Jess glanced at Steve, and said, “Hey Dani, go say hi to daddy.”

It was a good thing Steve was already halfway to the ground to hug the toddler barrelling towards him, because his knees gave out as Jess’ words registered. He scooped Dani into a hug, pressing a kiss into her curly hair.

“Hey bunny,” he whispered. “I missed you too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whenever I see blond Michael Fassbender, I instantly burst out laughing. 
> 
> Chemotherapy in young boys can result in infertility. 
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [weethreequarter](https://weethreequarter.tumblr.com) so feel free to come and chat.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky face off, and Steve faces his fears.

**August 2012**

Steve felt himself being dragged from sleep by the shifting of the mattress below him. He blinked into the pillow, before rolling over to face Jess’s side of the bed.

“Shh, go back to sleep,” Jess whispered, brushing his hair back from his face. He needed to do something about it; it was too long, against regulations. “I’m going to help dad with the horses.”

“I c’n help,” Steve slurred.

“It’s fine. Stay here with Dani,” Jess smiled. “I’ll see you soon.” She ducked her head, her hair brushing his shoulders, pressing a kiss to his temple.

Steve mumbled his assent, or he meant to, already drifting off again.

He dozed for another hour or so, before opening his eyes again. Stretching his arms about his head, he yawned languidly, enjoying the opportunity to wake up slowly. Steve stared up at the ceiling, at the faint pattern in the paint, visible in the pale light bleeding through the curtains.

Rolling out of bed, he padded across the room to Dani’s crib, smiling softly down at his daughter, starfished across the mattress, her mouth slack in sleep, snoring quietly. Taking a moment to watch her, Steve picked up the baby monitor in one hand, scooping up his clothes with the other, and tiptoed downstairs to dress in the bathroom.

Once dressed, Steve made his way into the kitchen, setting up the baby monitor on the counter before getting to work. Jess had finally deemed him capable of cooking breakfast the week before, and as a result, he was now permitted in the kitchen unsupervised but only when it came to breakfast foods.

By the time Jess and George returned from feeding the horses, the kitchen was filled with the smell of bacon, the eggs sizzling on the stove and coffee in the pot.

“Morning,” Jess murmured, rising onto her toes to wrap her arms around Steve’s neck, leaning over his shoulder to kiss the corner of his mouth.

“Morning,” he replied. “How am I looking, boss?”

Jess hummed, surveying the food.

“Passable,” she grinned, her eyes twinkling.

“I made you coffee,” Steve pointed out plaintively.

“Ooh, guess I might keep you after all,” she winked.

Dani woke halfway through breakfast; Jess left the table to get her, returning with a sleepy toddler in his arms.

“Morning bunny,” Steve smiled.

“Hey princess,” George greeted.

Dani blinked at them with bleary eyes, before burrowing further into her mom’s chest. Jess sat down again, balancing Dani with practised ease, and resumed eating with one hand, forgoing the fork to eat her bacon.

“Hey you,” Steve said, when he realised Dani was watching him eat. “You want some?”

He offered her a piece of his toast. Dani eyed it warily, as if she wasn’t capable of scarfing down half a loaf of bread on her own, before taking it delicately and placing it in her mouth. Once it was gone, she thrust out her hand, waving her fingers in a silent demand for more.

Steve chuckled and handed over half a slice.

After breakfast, Jess and George headed back out into the yard, and Steve began clean up. He was elbow deep in hot, soapy water when he heard a car pull up outside, then the back door slammed open and Bucky shuffled in. Bucky frowned at him.

“You’re here early,” he muttered.

“You’re back late,” Steve countered.

“Whatever,” Bucky snapped. “What’s it matter to you, anyway?”

“Your dad was worried.”

“So?” Bucky retorted. “I’m a grown man.”

“Then maybe start acting like it,” Steve glared.

Bucky blinked at him, and for a second Steve wondered if he’d gone to far, but then Bucky’s scowl deepened.

“What’re you even doing here? You’re always here,” he taunted. “Don’t you have anywhere else to go?”

“No, I’m dating your sister,” Steve retorted.

“What the fuck?” Bucky laughed. “No, you’re not.”

“Uh, yes. I am.”

“You really expect me to believe you’re dating Jess?”

“Yeah. Because I am,” Steve said. “Which you’d know if you were ever here, instead of running around with those loser you call your friends. I mean, Jesus Christ Bucky, have you seen them? They’re complete assholes. They’ve never even been out of town.”

“You know that’s not true,” Bucky replied, his voice taking on an edge Steve couldn’t quite place. “They were in our class, and our class went into Indianapolis on that trip in seventh grade, remember?”

“Fine,” Steve rolled his eyes. “But those losers have never even left the state. They don’t have real jobs, they’re just freeloading off their parents!”

“Yeah, well, guess I fit right in then, don’t I?” Bucky yelled, before turning and stomping towards his room.

“Bucky, no,” Steve shook his head. “That’s not- You’re-“

Bucky’s bedroom door slammed shut, the noise echoing through the house.

“-not like them,” Steve finished.

He sighed, leaning against the edge of the sink.

“Da! Ba!”

Steve lifted his head, glancing over his shoulder to see Dani at the child gate, peering through the bars into the kitchen in confusion.

“Hey bunny,” he sighed. Drying off his hands, Steve crossed the kitchen, leaning over the gate. Dani was already reaching up for him. He picked her up, swinging her onto his hip. “Sorry, bunny. Did we scare you?”

Dani patted her hand against Steve’s nose.

“Ba?” she asked.

“No. I don’t know what’s going on with him either,” Steve replied.

X

Steve had to force himself to walk into the VA centre. It wasn’t getting any easier to come here, mostly due to the fact he didn’t need to be there. Group therapy, sure, it was good for the people who needed it. But he didn’t.

He was fine.

Despite what his doctor and Jess and Sam thought.

He was. He was fine.

Steeling himself, Steve stepped into the building, with the thought _Better get this over with_.

And he intended to just sit there in silence as usual, barely even listening to the other members of the group until Sam said those magic words, “We’re done for the day,” so he could go home, or go see Jess and Dani.

That was the plan.

The plan didn’t quite work out.

“Bobby, you wanna say something?” Sam asked.

“Yeah,” Bobby nodded. “Uh, yeah. I do.”

Steve glanced across the room at Bobby. He was a Marine, served in Afghanistan, reenlisted following 9/11 and was discharged with PTSD. He didn’t say a lot either, usually following Steve’s plan of staying silent and pretending to listen.

Bobby swallowed, before raising his head to meet the gaze of the group.

“So, I, uh. I got thrown out. By my wife,” he began. “She told me I wasn’t safe around the kids anymore, and she, she was right. I guess. The, the, uh, my drinking. It was getting out of control. Then the, the other night. I… I told to wake up the kids cause I was gonna put my car around a tree.”

Steve sucked in a breath.

“She got me outta there, got me into emergency care,” Bobby continued, “But… But I woulda done it. If she didn’t… God, I coulda said that. To my kids. Or, or I coulda gone out there and done, and they would’ve woken up and I’d be gone. And I didn’t even… I didn’t think. What that would be like for them. I just wanted it to stop. I just wanted everything to be fine again.”

His hand was shaking, Steve realised belatedly. His right hand was trembling, vibrating back and forth on his knee. He tried to hold it still with his other hand, but then the energy just shifted elsewhere in his body. His breath was turning ragged, and he needed to get out of there, he couldn’t stay, he had to, he needed to…

“Steve?” Sam said, and Steve realised he was standing.

“Bathroom,” Steve said abruptly, before fleeing for the door.

He stumbled into the men’s room, bracing himself against the sinks and fought to catch his breath. Jesus, he was breathing like he’d just done a beep test in the Afghani sun, which was ridiculous.

_“You know, you say you’re fine a lot.”_

Jess’ voice echoed in his mind, as if it was bouncing off of the tiled walls.

_“In my experience, the people who say they’re fine, usually aren’t fine.”_

“Shit,” Steve whispered, pressing a palm to his mouth. His hand was shaking again, he noted distantly. “Shit.”

He hid out in the men’s room for the rest of the session, before slipping back into the hall as the rest of the group left. Sam looked up as Steve approached, his unimpressed expression raising one eyebrow.

“You okay, Steve?” Sam asked, clearly expecting Steve to lie to him again.

“No,” Steve admitted. “Do you, um, do you have time to talk?”

“Always,” Sam smiled.

Once they were safely ensconced in Sam’s office, away from prying eyes and ears, Steve felt himself relax a little. Especially once Sam dug out a mug of tea, after swearing Steve to secrecy if his colleague, Maria, came asking where her final tea bag went.

“So what do you want to talk about?” Sam asked.

Steve swallowed.

“I’m not okay,” he admitted. “And I’ve trying to pretend, for so long, that I’m fine. And I thought I was doing a good job, but I’m not. I’m not. And that, Bobby, he could be me. Not right now, but… I could become him. More easily than I’d like to admit. And I don’t want to do that.”

Sam smiled softly at him.

“You’ve already taken the hardest step,” he replied. “You admitted you’re not okay,” he explained, when Steve frowned. “That’s hard, man. Even I struggle with that. But standing up, saying this is not okay, that takes a lot of bravery. I’m proud of you.”

“Oh,” Steve squirmed. “That’s, uh…”

“It’s something, right?” Sam grinned.

“I don’t think I like that.”

“None of us do. But we all need to hear it,” Sam shrugged. “So what changed your mind?”

“I have a family now,” Steve said. “Girlfriend. A daughter. Dani. I love her so, so much. And I don’t want to hurt her. I’m scared I’m gonna hurt her,” he confessed.

“We’re going to make sure that never happens,” Sam promised. “I’m going to talk to your doctor, because I think it would be helpful to discuss medication with him. I’m not saying it’s necessary,” he added, holding up his hand to stop Steve’s objections. “I’m just saying talk about it. And keep an open mind? Can you do that?”

“I guess,” Steve sighed.

“I’m also going to sign you up for one on one counselling with me, once a week,” Sam continued. “We can always bump it up to twice if you feel like you need it. Group: d’you wanna keep going? Some people aren’t comfortable in group situations, and there’s nothing wrong with that.”

“I think… I’d like to give it a try,” Steve admitted. “A real try. Not just sitting there, pretending to listen like I have been. If it’s not working, then maybe we could replace it with another private session?”

“Sounds like a good idea.”

Steve nodded.

He could breath again, he realised. The crushing weight was gone from his chest, and while he could still feel that creeping, nervous energy lingering in the background, it no longer felt like he was on the verge of being overwhelmed.

“Thanks,” he said.

“That’s what we’re here for, Steve,” Sam pointed out gently. “I only want to help you.”

“I’m not so good at accepting help,” Steve admitted. “But I’m gonna try.”

“Trying is all we can ask you to do.”

X

Steve let himself into the farmhouse quietly, kicking off his boots in the hall and padding through the kitchen. He leaned against the doorframe, watching Jess play with Dani across the room, where they were yet to notice his arrival. He felt raw, from opening himself up to Sam. The appointment card in his pocket, with the details of his meeting with his doctor, burned a hole in his jeans.

But he looked at Jess and Dani, and thought to himself, _This. This is why I’m doing it. To protect this._

Because this? This was worth everything.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hearing "I'm proud of you" in regards to your mental health is a very weird experience. 
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [weethreequarter](https://weethreequarter.tumblr.com) so feel free to come and chat.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dani is displeased, and truths are told.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shoutout to Gideon for helping my virus-addled brain work through this chapter!

**October 2012**

When Steve arrived, he was greeted by Dani wailing loudly, ensuring everyone in the house was made very aware of her displeasure and discomfort. Dropping his keys on the counter, Steve stepped into the living room as the volume of Dani’s cries increased.

Jess was walking back and forth, rocking Dani in her arms, looking frazzled and exhausted.

“Hey,” Steve called, catching her attention.

“Hi,” Jess sighed.

“What’s going on?” he asked, running a hand across Dani’s back.

She flailed, her cries momentarily falling as she jerked round to see who was touching her, before returning to her earlier refrain.

“She has a cold,” Jess explained. “She’s it for two days. She can’t sleep. She can’t breathe. I think her ears hurt, and she’s just miserable. Which means everyone else is miserable too.”

“Oh, bunny,” Steve murmured. “Come on, give her here.”

Jess handed her over without a fight, staring at her daughter with a lost look that physically hurt Steve to see.

“She’ll be fine,” he assured Jess. “It’s just a cold. Why don’t you get some sleep, and let me take over for a while, yeah?”

Jess opened her mouth, ready to protest, them her shoulders slumped as she deflated.

“Sure,” she agreed. “She can have another dose of cough syrup in half an hour. She needs to drink more, so if you can convince her, that would be great. She didn’t eat much earlier, so there’s-“

“Jess,” Steve grinned. “I got this. Sleep.”

“Okay. I’m gonna go pass out. Be good for daddy, Dani.”

Once Jess disappeared upstairs, Steve resumed the laps of the living room, Dani’s face wet against his neck. It was a fact of parenthood, he’d decided, to always be sticky.

“Hey. I know what might make you feel better,” he realised.

Dani looked up at him suspiciously.

“Hang on,” Steve said.

Balancing her in one arm, he wrestled open the DVD case with the other, popping it into the machine and checking the volume was down low so it wouldn’t disturb Jess. Skipping halfway through the movie, he hit play.

“Dani, look,” he said, nudging her to turn towards the TV.

Dani frowned at the screen, then her face lit up as she recognised the alien, both hands reaching towards the TV. Steve chuckled.

“Yeah, I thought you’d like that.”

Steve took advantage of Dani’s distraction to blitz the kitchen, emptying the dishwasher so he could refill it with the dirty dishes littering the countertops. After wiping down the surfaces with the multipurpose cleaner, he checked the fridge, and found half a jar of pasta sauce. Checking the date on it, he found it was still okay, and left it on the counter.

“Come on, bunny,” Steve called, returning to the living room with a plastic syringe full of cough syrup. “Time for your next dose of this stuff. Which, I grant you, smells… truly vile. But my mom always used to say, medicines that taste bad do the most good. Here we go.”

He crouched down by Dani. But when he tried to push the syringe into her mouth, Dani lunged backwards, glaring up at him indignantly.

“No,” she pouted.

“Yeah, I know. But it’ll make you feel better,” Steve pointed out.

Dani was not comforted.

It took Steve longer than he’d like to admit to get Dani to take her medication. She may be only two and a half, and tiny, but Dani was surprisingly strong when she decided she didn’t want to do something.

Returning to the kitchen, Steve steeled himself as he faced the stove. Technically, he wasn’t really supposed to cook on his own - Jess had only given him permission to cook breakfast unsupervised - but Jess needed sleep, and George was busy with the horses, so it was up to him.

Besides, what could go wrong with pasta and sauce?

He was watching the pasta boil when Dani began to squawk in the other room. Glancing nervously at the boiling water, he jogged into the other room, picking Dani up and balancing her on his hip as he returned to the kitchen.

“You gonna help me cook for mom?” Steve asked.

Dani sniffed, rubbing her nose against his t-shirt. Steve grimaced.

“Thanks bunny.”

“Peek-ooh,” Dani murmured.

“Peek-ooh?” Steve echoed. “Oh! Peekaboo. You want your peekaboo book?”

Dani nodded slowly.

“Alright, bunny,” he agreed.

He found the book in question, Dani’s current favourite, in the pile by the kitchen door.

“Here we go then, bunny,” he said, kissing her temple, letting his lips linger on her forehead, testing her temperature. Not too high. Flicking open the book, he read, “ _Big bunny said, ‘It’s getting late. We need to go to bed.’ But the other toys are hiding. Bunny can’t see Cuddly Ted. Let’s look behind the cot._ You wanna open the flap?”

Dani reached out, pulling down the flap and managed a small smile when the teddy bear popped out from behind the paper crib.

“ _Peekaboo_ ,” Steve read. “ _There’s Cuddly Ted, wide awake and not in bed!_ ”

Steve read through the story twice at Dani’s bequest, pausing occasionally to drain the pasta and stir in the sauce and the chopped vegetables, which earned him a half-hearted slap on the shoulder from his daughter.

“Sorry bunny, where was I?” Steve murmured.

He kissed the top of her head. Dani sniffed noisily, wiping it with the back of her hand before cleaning her fist by rubbing it against Steve’s neck.

“Great,” Steve rolled his eyes. “Or, just and idea, maybe we can wipe your hand on this cloth, huh? Then daddy doesn’t have snot all over his neck.”

Dani just sniffed loudly again.

Steve had only vague memories of his childhood cancer. He remembered the smell of the hospital, and the scratchy sheets. And he remembered his mom’s worried smile as she tried to pretend everything was okay.

But mostly, the memories had been wiped away by the passage of time, reduced to nothing more than a knowledge of something he knew he should’ve been scared by, when in reality, he was too young to understand the gravity of what he’d gone through.

Still, he remembered clearly the fear in his mom’s eyes every time he fell sick after that. And he fell sick a lot. So he understood Jess’ fear at Dani’s illness, even if it was only a cold.

“I love you, baby girl,” he whispered, kissing the top of her head. “You hungry? Huh? What do you think? How about… we try some grapes? Yeah?”

Steve pulled a grape from the bunch, offering it to Dani. Dani scrunched up her nose, pushing the grape away.

“No? You don’t want it? I guess I’ll have it then,” Steve shrugged, popping the grape into his mouth.

Dani stared at him in disbelief.

“Changed your mind?” Steve asked, offering her a second grape.

But Dani shook her head, pushing his hand away again. Only for her to squawk indignantly when he ate said grape. Steve plucked a third grape from the bunch and offered it to her tentatively.

Dani eyed it suspiciously.

Steve slowly pulling the grape back, opening his mouth and pretending he was going to eat the grape.

Only for Dani to snatch it from his fingers and stuff it into her mouth.

Steve grinned.

“Good girl.”

Okay, the snatching wasn’t behaviour they wanted to encourage, but at least she was eating. Through that pantomime, he was able to convince her to eat a handful of grapes, before she threw the latest grape onto the floor and hid her face in his neck.

“Okay, good girl,” Steve told her, rubbing her back.

Fifteen minutes later, Jess padded into the kitchen, crossing to Steve’s side and reaching up on her toes to kiss Steve and then Dani.

“Hey baby. How d’you feel?” she murmured, rubbing Dani’s cheek.

Dani snuggled further into Steve’s chest, clinging tightly to his t-shirt.

“She took her medication, eventually, and managed to eat some grapes,” Steve explained. “And I made you dinner.”

“You did?” Jess looked up in surprise.

“Yeah. I’ll get you a bowl over,” he said.

“Okay,” she nodded, before hopping up onto the counter, pulling the drawer open to get a fork.

Steve carefully spooned pasta into a bowl, then handed it over to Jess.

“Thanks,” she smiled.

“You’re welcome,” he replied, kissing her softly.

While Jess ate, Steve cleared up the mess from cooking, Dani still perched in his arm. He hit off the dishwasher, opening it a little to allow the dishes to cool, before grabbing the cloth and wiping down the counter, all to the sound of Jess’ fork clinking against the bowl.

“Da,” Dani murmured.

“I’ve got you,” he replied, kissing her head. “I’m not going anywhere.”

When he turned around, he found Jess watching them with a funny expression on her face.

“What?” he blinked.

“Nothing,” she shook her head.

“Right,” Steve said, eyeing her warily. "How's dinner?"

"Pasta's kinda rubbery," Jess admitted sheepishly.

"It is?"

"It's perfect," she assured him.

Dani’s exhaustion caught up with her shortly after, falling asleep on Steve’s shoulder and snoring quietly through the mucous in her throat. Steve eased her into her pram after checking the seat was tilted up, to would help her breathe. He strapped her in, rocking the pram back and forth slowly to make sure she was asleep before straightening up and joining Jess in the kitchen.

“She’s asleep,” he said quietly.

“You’re amazing,” Jess said.

Steve shrugged.

“I’m serious,” she insisted. “You’re amazing. Especially with Dani.” She stepped forward, taking his hands in hers, before biting her lip as she looked up at him. “Steve… I love you.”

Steve blinked.

He was pretty sure he’d been in love with Jess without realising it since before they started dating, but hearing her say those three words swept away any doubts he might’ve had.

He swallowed.

“I love you too,” he replied.

“You do?”

And Jess looked so hopeful and vulnerable - two expressions which seemed strange on Jess’ face - Steve couldn’t have stopped himself from pulling her into his arms, even if he’d wanted to.

(Which he didn’t. He would happily hold Jess forever)

“Yeah, I do. I love you,” he whispered.

“Thanks for being here,” Jess said.

“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be,” Steve replied honestly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My granny always said if medicine tastes good, it doesn't do anything to cure you. 
> 
> The Peekaboo book is one my mum gave my baby cousin and she adored it.
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [weethreequarter](https://weethreequarter.tumblr.com) so feel free to come and chat.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve takes a leap at group, and faces a new start with Jess and Dani.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter went in a direction I was not expecting. There was not supposed to be smut, but, well, there is.

**January 2013**

It took Steve the entirety of Jenn’s rant about discovering her girlfriend was cheating on her again to work up the courage to speak. His palms were sweating furiously; he tried to wipe them against his jeans as subtly as possible. Over the past few weeks, he’d become more comfortable with group therapy, actually learning the names of everyone in his group, and discovering they were pretty cool.

Jenn was army and, when she wasn’t threatening to set her ex-girlfriend’s clothes on fire, was studying law part time at college.

Bethany was a marine, specialising in bomb disposal, and was planning on going into private security.

Remy was a naval petty officer from New Orleans with a gambling addiction.

Kitty was an army nurse, adjusting to working in a civilian hospital.

Piotr, her husband, was a former Navy SEAL, struggling to get disability, even two years after his medical discharge.

They were funny and angry and bitter and so very strong, and nothing like the broken people Steve believed they must be to need group therapy. Meeting them - really meeting them, not just sitting in the same room as them and pretending to listen - made Steve pause and wonder if maybe, just maybe, he wasn’t broken either.

“Wait, so did you set her stuff on fire?” Sam interrupted.

“No, I did not,” Jenn replied proudly. “I used my stop sign and thought to myself, _what do I really want to do right now?_ The answer was set her stuff on fire, but I didn’t!”

“Well, that’s an improvement,” Sam said. “Anybody else want to talk today?”

“Yeah,” Steve said, butterflies in his stomach. “I do.”

He glanced up, and found Sam watching him proudly. That wasn’t going to get easier anytime soon.

Shrugging off his discomfort, Steve took a deep breath and thought about Jess and Dani, the reason why he was doing this.

“How’s the apartment hunt going?” Sam asked, taking pity on him.

“It’s, uh, it’s done,” Steve replied. “We found a place, and I got the keys yesterday. Two bed apartment, in Greensburg. I moved in last night and, uh, Jess and her dad, they’re bringing her stuff over today.”

“How are you feeling about that?” Sam asked.

“Well, I managed to stop checking the locks around one last night, then the walls stopped feeling like they were closing in around three, so… Better?”

“The first night I spent in my own apartment was weird,” Bethany agreed. “I spent the last nine years living in barracks. Sleeping in a room on my own, without a half dozen other women snoring or farting in the background.”

“You get it,” Steve nodded.

“I get it.”

“It should be better tonight,” Steve shrugged. “I’ll have Jess there, and Dani. I don’t freak out when they’re around.”

“Why do you think that is?” Sam asked.

Steve thought about it. Except, he didn’t need to think about it, not really.

“Because they make me feel safe,” he replied. “When they’re around, I feel like nothing bad can happen. Besides, Jess is bad ass. I know she can protect me from anything.”

A ripple of laughter ran around the group, and Steve felt a burst of pride. He still hated social situations, but at least it was easier with the group. And not just because they were veterans. He felt… free to mess up and make a fool of himself, and know he wouldn’t be judged for it.

“If your anxiety does come back, do you have a plan for dealing with it?” Sam asked.

“Distraction is good for me,” Steve nodded. “It’s a new place, so there’s lots to do. And Dani’s a toddler, so, she needs a lot. And I know if I need to, I can talk to Jess.”

“She knows about your PTS?”

Steve nodded.

“We talked about it. She, uh, she actually knew something was wrong before I did. Well. Before I admitted it,” he amended. “She’s… Jess has her own trauma. It’s nice. To have someone who understands.”

“Yeah,” Piotr agreed, picking up Kitty’s hand and smiling softly. “That’s a pretty good feeling.”

Steve smiled

“And if I need it, I’ve got my breathing techniques,” Steve added. “They’re not my favourite, but, in a pinch they help a little. It’s better than nothing.”

“That sounds like a good plan, Steve,” Sam nodded.

“Thanks. And thanks for the support. All of you.”

“We got you, man,” Remy cheered.

X

Steve left the VA with a spring in his step, crossing the parking lot to his brand new truck. Brand new to Steve, not _brand new_ brand new. He unlocked the truck, climbing into the driver’s seat and fired off a text to Jess to let her know he was on his way home, before firing up the ignition.

 _Home_.

Steve couldn’t remember the last time he had a home. He used to think Brooklyn was his home, then that Indiana was home. But neither of them felt like home, not until he met Jess.

Now, he was a dad, sharing an apartment with his girlfriend and their daughter, and traded in his Triumph for a 2002 Chevy Silverado. Motorcycles weren’t exactly practical with a toddler, even if he did love the feeling of Jess wrapped around him as he drove. Maybe once Dani went off to college he could get another bike. A thrill ran down his spine at the thought of a life together with Jess.

He turned on the radio as he pulled out of the parking lot, humming along as he drove home, and was surprised to discover he actually felt good. He felt happy and centred and it was thrilling to realise.

Pulling the truck into their parking space, Steve climbed out, locking the truck behind him, and headed for the apartment. A fission of excitement spiralled in his belly at the knowledge that Jess and Dani were waiting upstairs. He let himself in, locking the door behind him, and climbed the stairs. He fought with the baby gate at the top of the stairs for longer than he wanted to admit, and then he was in the apartment.

Their apartment.

The sound of Dani’s laughter greeted him, and Steve smiled automatically. His smile grew when he turned into the living room and found Dani standing in an empty box, surrounded by several other empty boxes, looking like all her Christmases had come at once. When she notice him, Dani squealed, “Da!” and waved her arms around at the boxes.

“Hey bunny,” he chuckled.

“Hey,” Jess said, stepping into his side and curling around him. Steve dropped his face into her hair and breathed in. “How was it?”

“Good,” Steve replied honestly. “Somebody’s having fun.”

“Yeah,” Jess grinned. “I was about to take a video to send to you, then I realised you’d see for yourself.”

“Yeah,” Steve realised with a thrill.

No more missing out on Dani because they lived in different houses. He would be there for her firsts from now on.

 _I’m home_ , he thought.

X

Steve traced the bumps of Jess’ spine with his finger, aware of her watchful eyes on him the entire time, until he reached her neck. He leans forward, placing a gentle kiss against the knob at the top of her spine, letting his lips linger there before lying down again.

A lock of hair had fallen down onto her face; Steve hooked it with his finger, tucking it behind her ear.

Jess smiled up at him.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“I love you,” he replied.

“You’re okay,” Jess smiled.

They giggled, leaning their foreheads together. Jess’ hand pressed against his chest, Steve caught it with his own, entwining their fingers, before staring down at their hands: Jess’ fingers so pale and calloused from helping George on the farm, and his own, tanned and softer than they’d ever been before.

It was strange, looking at his hands now. They were unrecognisable as the ones that could assemble a rifle in under six seconds, or as the dust-caked fingers tiredly holding a book as he tried to wind down in Iraq.

“You should quit your job,” Jess said.

“How do you always know what I’m thinking?” he asked.

“Because I know you.”

“I can’t do that,” he shook his head.

“Yes, you can. And you should.”

“Jess, we have an apartment. We’ve got rent to pay.”

“You’re telling me you wanna be working at Bed, Bath and Beyond?”

“No. But it’s money. We have an apartment. And a daughter. Besides, I don’t even know what I want to do.”

Jess was quiet for a long time, but Steve could see she had something to say, even if she didn’t necessarily want to.

Eventually, she asked, “Do you want to re-enlist?”

Steve stared at her.

Of all things, he’d never imagined Jess would say that. Mostly because he’d never even considered it, never even thought it was an option. He’d made the decision to leave when his time was up. Going back never entered his head.

“I… No, I don’t think so,” he frowned.

“If you wanted to, I would support you,” Jess said carefully. “I don’t think you’re in the right place to do it right now, but if it was something you really wanted to do, then I would support you.”

Steve considered it, returning to the life he’d known for so long. It would be easy to slip back into those old routines, and to incorporate Jess and Dani into them. He would have someone to call, someone to write letters to, the way the other members of his unit used to.

He would have something to come back to.

But then he remembered Dani earlier, standing in a sea of boxes and grinning in delight. Going back to the army would mean going back to a half life with Dani. Jess too, to an extent.

“No,” he said. “I don’t want to go back. I want to be here, with you, and Dani. I want to see her grow up. I don’t want the two of you to be living in fear, wondering if I’m going to come home. This is supposed to be a new start. Re-enlisting would feel like going backwards, not forwards.”

Jess relaxed against him, and Steve realised how afraid she’d been that he would say yes. He kissed her forehead.

“We’re going to find out what you want to do,” Jess promised. “Something better than working at Bed, Bath and Beyond.”

“Not much worse,” he chuckled.

Jess rolled onto her back, then tugged at his arm, pulling him on top of her.

“You sure?” Steve asked, hesitating.

“I’m sure,” Jess nodded, smiling softly at him.

Needing no further encouragement, Steve rolled on top of her, falling into the v of her hips. Jess instantly wrapped her arms around his neck, pulling him down for a kiss as she slipped one leg up to his waist then the other, rolling her hips a little.

“You trying to test my stamina, woman?” Steve grinned into the kiss.

“Maybe,” Jess smirked, and rolled her hips again.

“Menace,” Steve growled.

“You love it.”

“I do.”

Steve slipped his hand up Jess’ side, cupping her breast and circling his thumb over her nipple. Jess gasped, arching her back, her fingers digging into his shoulders.

“Steve,” she keened.

“Yeah, sweetheart?” Steve sucked on the skin below her ear, still playing with her nipple, rolling it between his fingers. “What d’you want?”

“Fuck me,” Jess panted, her legs clamping around his hips.

“Again?” he teased, as if he wouldn’t have sex with Jess whenever she wanted, as if it wasn’t a gift for him to be trusted by her after everything she’d been through.

“Steve, please, fuck me,” she huffed.

"You want that? You want me to fuck you?” Steve rasped. “You want me to fuck you until you can’t see? You want me to fuck you until you come harder than you’ve ever come in your life? Yeah? You want that?”

He ran his hand down her body, until he pressed his fingers inside her.

“Steve,” she cried, her head falling back.

“Shh,” he murmured, kissing her shoulder. “Don’t wake Dani.”

Jess fisted her hand in his air, her grip just on the painful side of too tight. Steve shivered, exhaling slowly.

Jess writhed on his hand, babbling frantically, and then she went limp, a low whine rumbling from her throat as she came. Steve withdrew his hand, gathering Jess up in his arms and kissing down her face gently as she shivered and came down in his arms.

“God, you’re too good at that,” Jess panted.

Steve grinned wickedly, kissing her slowly, thoroughly, until they were both breathless.

“Still want me to fuck you?”

Jess gave him a filthy smirk.

“Always.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [weethreequarter](https://weethreequarter.tumblr.com) so feel free to come and chat.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve makes two of the biggest decisions of his life.

**March 2013**

“Would you stop that?” Steve snapped, rounding on Winter with a scowl.

In reply, the horse simply stretched out his neck and bared his teeth at Steve, which made it look to all the world like he was laughing at Steve. Which he probably was. Steve’s mouth twitched, as he fought to stay stern.

Winter snorted, blinking at him with big brown eyes.

Steve sighed.

“Yeah, yeah. I’m still pissed at you,” he muttered, stepping forward and rubbing Winter’s muzzle.

Winter snickered in delight, putting his teeth against Steve’s shoulder to begin mutual grooming. Steve shook he is head, but began scritching Winter’s neck obligingly.

How anyone could’ve treated Winter so badly would always be a mystery to Steve. He was such a loving horse, so keen to please, and so gentle. There was no need to even be firm with him, not really. And to be downright cruel?

It was insane.

“You’re a good boy, aren’t you?” Steve murmured. “Even if you can be a dick. Probably why I like you so much.”

“Hi Steve!”

Steve turned, his face breaking into a grin when he spotted Jan entering the barn.

“Hey Jan,” he replied, giving Winter one final pat. “Good to see you.”

“You too. Come here and give me a hug,” she ordered.

Steve went willingly. Jan still smelled of lavender. And she still gave some of the best hugs he’d ever experienced.

“You helping out around here now too?” she asked when they separated.

“Just while George was out of town the last few days. My hours at work got cut, so,” he shrugged.

“Where are you working these days?”

“Bed, Bath and Beyond,” he grimaced. “Yeah, I know. But it’s a job.”

Jan studied him contemplatively. Steve raised an eyebrow.

“What?”

“You know, Hank and I could use a new receptionist,” Jan said. “Susan’s heading off to college in the fall, so if you started now, she could train you up, ready for September.”

Steve hardly dared to hope.

“You don’t have to make a job for me,” he protested.

Jan fixed him with a look. A look he knew from experience meant it was a good idea to agree with whatever she said, unless you wanted your ass kicked.

“I’m making a job for you, Steve. I’m offering you one. One you’re going to take.”

“Yes ma’am,” he nodded.

“Good boy,” she grinned. “You let me know how long your notice is, then we’ll get you in. How does eleven dollars an hour sound?”

“Fucking fantastic,” Steve replied before he thought about it, and cringed.

But Jan just threw her head back and laughed.

“Glad to hear it. Now, where’s Cyclops?”

X

“Thanks for helping out here the past few days, Steve,” George said as they trudged across the north paddock to fix the water trough.

“No problem. I’m happy to help,” Steve replied.

“Jan tells me you’re going to start working for her and Hank.”

“Yeah, I’m looking forward to it,” he grinned. And he was. Working for Jan and Hank would be a great step up from working in retail. Even without considering the huge pay-rise. “Actually, there’s, uh, something I wanted to talk to you about,” Steve admitted.

“I figured there was something up, when you offered to help me with this,” George grinned. “What’s in your head?”

Steve took a deep breath.

“I’m going to ask Jess to marry me,” he blurted out.

“You are?” George smiled.

“Yeah,” Steve nodded. “I bought a ring and everything.”

“Well, you don’t need to ask my permission, because if there’s one thing I know about my daughter, it’s that she doesn’t need anyone’s permission to do anything,” George joked.

“Well, that’s definitely true,” Steve agreed.

“But honestly, Steve?” George continued. “It will be my honour to have you officially become my son after all these years.”

His throat closed with the burn of tears. Steve tried to swallow once, then twice, then exhaled, blowing out his cheeks.

“Officially, huh?” he choked.

“Steve. Ay, come here, kid,” George sighed, opening his arms.

Steve stepped forward. He was taller than George these days, which was weird. Most of his memories of hugs from George came from before his growth spurt, when he was small and skinny and could tuck himself under George’s arm with room to spare. But George still gave some of the best hugs Steve had ever received.

“You got nothing to be nervous about, kid,” George assured him, running his hand over Steve’s back. “Jess is crazy about you, and you treat her right. She’s gonna say yes. And even if she didn’t, you’d still be part of this family.”

“Thanks,” Steve whispered.

“So, you know how you’re gonna do it?” George asked.

“Yeah,” Steve grinned. “I got it all planned out.”

X

“Where are we?” Jess asked as Steve helped her out of the truck, blindfold firmly in place.

“I don’t think you understand the definition of a surprise,” Steve chuckled.

Jess huffed, slapping him on the chest with the back of her hand, but she allowed him to lead her onto the sidewalk, waiting patiently while Steve locked the truck.

“Come on,” Steve said, and he lead her down the street, until they reached Lawson Books. He pulled the key from his pocket, borrowed from Dr Lawson for the evening, and unlocked the shop. When he opened the door, the bell rang out, and he didn’t even flinch. “Alright, one step up,” he murmured. “That’s it.”

Once they were inside, he closed the door, flicking on the lock as an afterthought, lest they be interrupted by some book lover who decided eight pm on a Friday night was the perfect time to pick up a new book.

“Steve?”

“Just a minute,” he promised, dancing around her to switch on the fairy light’s he’d decked the shelves in earlier in the evening. “Alright, you can remove the blindfold in three, two, one, now.”

Jess pulled off the blindfold, blinking until her eyes adjusted to the light. Her mouth fell open, as she took in the fairy lights bathing the bookshelves in a golden light, before looking at Steve in surprise.

“Steve? What are we doing here?”

Steve took her hands, squeezing them gently.

“We are here,” he explained, “Because this is where you changed my life.”

“I what?” Jess laughed.

“You changed my life, right…” He pulled her forward, until she was standing in front of the counter. “Here. When you came in, looking for _The Hungry Caterpillar_ because it was your daughter’s favourite book-“

“Which she now hates,” Jess interrupted.

“Which she now hates,” Steve laughed, “Even though we have two copies. You came in here, a total mess, and you were the most beautiful person I’d ever seen, even if I didn’t know it then. I thought that you becoming my friend was the best thing, but then I fell in love with you. And if I was lucky when you became my friend, when you told me you loved me too, that was like, like winning the lotto. But better. You gave me your friendship, then you gave me your love. And best of all, you gave me our daughter. Nothing can ever repay that. So. Jessica Jones-“ He went down on one knee, pulling the ring from his pocket. “Will you marry me?”

“Yes,” Jess blurted out, before Steve had finished the question. “Yes, get up off the floor you idiot, of course I’ll marry you!”

Steve laughed as Jess hauled him to his feet. Then she threw herself into his arms and kissed him until they were both breathless.

When they broke apart, Jess stared at him in disbelief, biting her lip to stop the smile from spreading across his face. With one arm around her waist, Steve slipped the ring onto Jess’ finger. To his surprise, Jess’ breath hitched as a sob escaped her.

“Are you crying?” he exclaimed.

“No,” Jess retorted, punching his shoulder, as a few tears slipped out.

Steve cupped her cheek, drawing her in so he could kiss his fiancee.

His fiancee.

He was going to marry Jess.

“I love you so much,” he whispered.

“I love you too. I love you, Steve, I love you, I love you. I love you,” Jess stammered.

“I know,” Steve murmured, kissing her forehead. “I know, honey.”

They pressed their foreheads together. Jess put her hand against Steve’s chest, staring at the ring on her finger, the diamond glinting in the fairy lights.

“We’re getting married,” she whispered. “Steve, we’re getting married.”

“We are,” he nodded. He held her close. “We really are.”

X

George and Bucky were both in the living room when Steve and Jess arrived at Winter’s Haven, George at the dining table working on the accounts, and Bucky sprawled across the couch watching TV. They both looked up when Steve and Jess stepped into the room, arm in arm.

“We’re engaged,” Jess announced, holding up her ring.

“Congratulations,” George beamed, crossing the room to draw Jess into a hug. “Congratulations sweetheart.”

“Thanks dad.”

Meanwhile, Steve eyed Bucky warily as he left the couch.

“Married, huh?” Bucky said.

“Yeah,” Steve replied.

“Congratulations.”

“Thanks.”

Bucky nodded. Then he added quietly, “I’m happy for you, Steve. You two, you’re, uh, you’re a good couple. I’m glad you found each other.”

Steve blinked in surprise.

“Thanks, Buck.”

Bucky nodded sharply, then dodged around Steve. Steve frowned, glancing over his shoulder, and his heart sank as Bucky disappeared out of the back door. He swallowed, smiling again as George pulled him into a hug, with a whispered, “I told you so.”

Then he looked at his fiancee - his _fiancee_ \- and broke into a grin again. He drew Jess into his side, and made the hardest decision of his life.

He let Bucky go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm on Tumblr as [weethreequarter](https://weethreequarter.tumblr.com) so feel free to come and chat.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve had spent so much time in hospitals over the year, they were no longer scary. But it was different when the person lying there was like a parent to you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Medical emergency and stroke

**April 2013**

“You okay?” Steve asked, glancing at Jess from the driver’s seat.

“Yeah,” she replied. “I think dad and Bucky had a fight. A big one.”

“How’s he doing? Since the crash?” Steve asked. He’d barely seen or heard from Bucky since the engagement, even less than before which really was saying something. It hurt, to lose his best friend. But Steve had admitted to himself that it wasn’t healthy to keep chasing after Bucky, hoping he would come to his sense and come back to him. As much as he wanted Bucky in his life, his own health was more important.

“He’s… He’s Bucky,” Jess sighed. “I don’t even know what that means anymore.”

Steve reached across, squeezing her hand, before returning it to the wheel. Dani babbled quietly to herself in the backseat. Turning on the blinkers, Steve turned into the Winter’s Haven, pulling up beside George’s truck.

Bucky’s truck was absent, Steve noted, even though it was only seven thirty in the morning.

“Thank you for the ride,” Jess murmured, leaning across the console to kiss him.

“It’s no problem,” Steve replied. “I’ll come in, say hi to your dad before I go.”

“Alright.”

They crossed to the back door, only to find it locked. Steve glanced up at the barn, but the doors were closed.

“That’s weird,” Jess frowned, pulling her keys from her pocket. She unlocked the door, and stepped inside, calling, “Dad?”

No reply.

Moving into the kitchen, Steve glanced around. The house felt quiet, too quiet, a suspicion only confirmed when he noticed the lack of breakfast dishes, and no coffee in the pot.

“Dad?” Jess called again. “Dad, you in here? Maybe he’s in the barn,” she turned to Steve.

He shook his head.

“It’s still locked.”

“Dad, where are you?” Jess shouted, as Dani squirmed in her arms, picking up on their unease. Steve reached out, patting her back reassuringly. “Dad?” Jess tried again, stepping into the living room. “Dad? Oh my God, Steve!”

Steve ran out of the kitchen, almost running into Jess, where she stared in horror at the foot of the stairs. Steve followed her gaze, and his stomach swooped at the crumpled figure lying at the foot of the stairs.

Springing into action, Steve pushed past Jess, dropping to George’s side.

“George?” he called. “George, can you hear me?”

Nothing.

Pressing his fingers for George’s neck, it was a relief to feel a faint pulse beating against his fingers. Steve leaned down, listening to George’s chest, checking his airways. Then he pulled out his cell phone, flicking on the light and lifting George’s eyelids one at a time to check his pupil response.

“Jess, get me a blanket. I don’t know how long he’s been here. We need to keep him warm,” he ordered, while dialling 911 with one hand. As soon as the operator picked up, he reeled off, “This is Steve Rogers as Winter’s Haven, 5932 West Country Road 300 North. I need an ambulance immediately. I’ve got a fifty five year old male, unconscious, visible sign of head trauma. Steady pulse, breathing normally, pupils are responsive but slow.”

Later, the time between the 911 call and the paramedics arrival would be a blur in Steve’s mind. It was like being back in the desert, dredging up his medic training with surprising ease. His fear, his panic remained locked down through the familiar routines and procedures, and the fact he had to stay strong for Jess. Dani was howling up a storm; between seeing her grandpa on the ground and picking up on her mom’s distress, she knew something was up.

Steve stepped back when the paramedics arrived, taking Dani from Jess and bouncing her gently in an attempt to soothe her.

“You should go with him,” he said quietly.

“What?”

“Go with them,” Steve repeated. “You know his medical history. I’ll take Dani in the car, I’ll call Bucky, and we’ll be right behind you.” He kissed the top of her head. “Go on. You’ll feel better if you see him.”

“Alright,” Jess sighed. She kissed Dani’s cheek. “Be good for daddy, baby girl. I’ll see you soon.”

“Mama,” Dani whimpered.

“She’ll be fine,” Steve insisted. “She’ll stop crying the minute she can’t see you.”

“Yeah, I know,” Jess nodded, although she didn’t look like she believed him.

But she followed the paramedics out of the door. Steve watched her climb into the back of the ambulance through the dining room window. Despite his claims to the contrary, Dani did not stop crying when she could no longer see Jess. If anything, she cried louder.

“Hey, it’s okay bunny,” Steve soothed her. “Here, you wanna watch Daniel Tiger?” he asked, flicking through the TV until he found the kids channel.

“No!” Dani cried, slapping his shoulder.

“Come on, bunny, you like Daniel Tiger,” he cajoled.

But Dani was having none of it.

“Alright, I know what’ll make you feel better.” Steve sat her down in front of the TV, then picked up the DVD case and held it up. “Dani. Dani, look.”

Dani couldn’t read, but she sure as hell recognised the creature on the case. She clapped her hands loudly, then declared, “Yes!”

“Okay bunny,” Steve laughed.

He put the DVD into the player then, once the movie began, he crouched by Dani, wiping the tears and snot from her face. Then he went in search of his phone, finding it on the stairs. His hand was trembling, but he pushed it down. He didn’t have time to panic, not yet.

Scrolling through his phone, he found Bucky’s name and hit call. The dialling tone rang in his ear, but when it connected, it was to Bucky’s voicemail.

“Hey, you reached Bucky Barnes, leave a message.”

“Hi Bucky, it’s me. I, uh, I need you to call me back. Now. It’s important,” Steve said.

He hung up, sliding his phone into his pocket. He took a moment to steady his breathing, then returned to the living room.

“Alright bunny, time to go,” he announced, trying to keep his voice as positive as he could. “Come on, little monster,” he said, scooping her up and flicking off the TV.

“Going?” Dani asked as Steve helped her into her jacket.

“We’re going to the hospital, because grandpa is sick,” he explained. “Here. You sit up here for a minute while daddy gets on his shoes. Good girl. We’re going to go and see what the doctors say is wrong with grandpa.”

“Grandpa sick,” Dani nodded.

“Yeah,” Steve said. “He’s sick. Come on you.”

X

When Steve found a space in the hospital parking lot, he killed the engine and unclipped his seatbelt, but remained in the seat, pulling his cell phone from his pocket instead and calling Bucky once more.

“Just a minute, bunny,” he told Dani as it rang.

The call connected, and Steve’s heart jumped, only for it to sink once more when he realised he’d reached Bucky’s voicemail again.

“Bucky, it’s me,” he began.

“Unka Buck!” Dani cheered.

“And Dani,” Steve added. “Bucky… Please call me. It’s important. I really need to talk to you.” He hung up, sliding the phone back into his pocket, then twisted in his seat to smile at Dani. “Alright, young lady. Let’s go.”

“Yes,” Dani declared, already filling with her seat belt, in an attempt to disentangle herself from the carseat.

Steve smiled sadly.

 _You’re so lucky_ , he thought to himself. _You’re so innocent_.

Steve carried Dani into the hospital, asking at the reception deck where he could find George. He was given directions to a ward; hoisting Dani further onto his hip, Steve set off. Dani was singing nonsense words quietly in his ear, and it was surprisingly comforting. Steve held her close, breathing in that uniquely baby smell she still had.

Following the receptionists directions, Steve found the ward in question, then spotted Jess sitting in the corridor.

“Jess,” he called.

“Momma!” Dani cried, wriggling in his arms.

Steve let Jess take Dani, before sitting down and leaning over to kiss her.

“Hi,” Jess murmured.

“What’s the word?” Steve asked.

“They think he had a stroke,” Jess explained, her lip trembling. “We don’t know how long he was lying there. They think he hit his head when he fell, so he could have a concussion too, which is just all generally not good.”

“No. It’s not,” Steve agreed.

He wrapped his arm around Jess’ shoulders, drawing her close and buried his nose in her hair.

And together they waited.

The hospital buzzed around them, even after the sun went down outside the windows and darkness fell. But all they could do was wait. Every so often, Steve would check his phone for messages from Bucky, a sense of deja vu to over a year ago, when he first returned to town and believed he and Bucky could pick up where they left off. But just like then, there was never anything waiting, no messages, no missed calls. No sign Bucky had listened when Steve said it was important.

Maybe Bucky hadn’t even listened to the messages. Maybe he’d just deleted them.

Steve took a deep breath.

Eventually one of the constant stream of staff broke off in their direction, a tall woman with bright red hair and kind eyes who stopped in front of them and said, “Miss Jones?”

“Yes?” Jess raised her head.

“Doctor Jean Grey, I’m the attending physician,” she explained, shaking Jess’ hand. “You are Mr Barnes’ daughter, correct?”

“That’s right,” Jess nodded. “Uh, this is Steve, my fiancé. And our daughter, Dani.”

“Hi!” Dani called as Dr Grey shook Steve’s hand.

“Hi Dani,” Dr Grey smiled. “Nice to meet you all. We’ve settled your father in a room just down the hall, if you’d like to follow me.”

Jess took the lead behind Dr Grey, with Dani on her hip, while Steve followed on with the bag. He should hate hospitals, he knew, from all the time he’d spent in them - usually this one - but the truth was, he’d spent so much time in them, they were comforting. He knew what most of the noises and tubes did, and it became a lot less scary when you understood what the IV line was for, or what the different parts of a monitor were recording.

At least, that’s what he thought. Until he saw George in that hospital bed, looking smaller than Steve thought was possible, still unconscious and hooked up to an array of drips and monitors. Steve knew what every one did, but that knowledge did nothing to stop it from being utterly terrifying.

Maybe it was different when it was someone you considered a parent.

“Please, take a seat,” Dr Grey invited.

“Is he going to be okay?” Jess asked, without taking her eyes off of George.

“Your father had what is known as an ischaemic stroke,” Dr Grey explained. “A clot cut off the blood supply to part of his brain. Obviously, without your father’s ability to confirm this, we can only speculate what happened. I would guess it lead to dizziness, or a partial paralysis which resulted in his fall. We did a CT and an MRI, and we were able to find the clot. Using Thrombolysis, we were able to dissolve the clot, and we have started your father on anticoagulants to prevent another clot from forming, which should prevent another stroke from occurring.”

Another stroke? This could happen again.

“Jesus,” Steve whispered.

“When will he wake up?” Jess asked.

“Miss Jones, we don’t know the full extent of the damage to the brain,” Dr Grey replied. “Like any body part, if it’s starved of oxygen, the cells begin to die. The clot in question was one of the most severe I’ve seen. We believe your father’s cognitive abilities will be seriously impaired.”

“What does that mean?” Steve frowned.

“It means they think he’s not going to recover. Not properly,” Jess said.

“It could also have caused paralysis. We won’t know the extent until he wakes up,” Dr Grey confirmed. “The brain is our command centre. When it’s damaged… I think you should prepare yourselves for the beginning of a very long road. My experience tells me, this is going to be a bad one.”

“But you don’t know?” Steve pressed.

Dr Grey met his gaze head on, her eyes softening sadly.

“No. I would love it if he woke up tomorrow singing to the rafters. I would love to hope for the best. I also think we should prepare for the worst.”

Steve dragged his hand down his face and exhaled slowly, blowing out his cheeks. The whole thing felt surreal, but he knew what Dr Grey was trying not to say.

Brain damage.

Which meant the man they knew was gone.

“It’s a lot to process, and until he wakes up, it’s largely speculation,” Dr Grey continued. “I’m going to leave you now, if you need anything, just call at the nurse’s station. We’ll see how he is in the morning, and we should have a more concrete diagnosis then.”

“Thank you, doctor,” Jess whispered.

Dr Grey nodded, then left the room, her heels clicking on the linoleum as she walked away.

“Steve?” Jess whispered.

“I’m here,” he murmured, grasping her hand. “I’m here.”

“He’s not going to wake up and be okay,” Jess said quietly.

“You don’t don’t know that.”

“No,” she shook her head. Then Jess turned and fixed him with a knowing look. “I do. I know. She’s trying to be nice, but…”

A lump pressed on Stave’s windpipe.

“Yeah,” he whispered.

“Can you take Dani please?” she asked. “I should call Bucky. He should be here.”

“Yeah,” Steve nodded, lifting Dani onto his knee.

He rocked her back and forth, kissing the top of her head as he listened to Jess call Bucky, hoping she had more luck than he did.

“Bucky, it’s me. It’s Jess. I… Shit. Bucky, dad’s in hospital…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My medical knowledge is very limited due to my anxiety causing raging hypochondria. I used the NHS website for reference, so any mistakes are my own.
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [weethreequarter](https://weethreequarter.tumblr.com) so feel free to come and chat.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jan and Hank play fairy godparents.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you want to avoid the smut, stop when it gets to heavy for you. The smut goes up to the end of the chapter.

**June 2013**

When Steve returned to the farmhouse, he could hear Jess talking to someone on a video call, and remembered she mentioned trying to get a call in with all her sisters. They’d all flown in when their schedules allowed it to visit George. All of them except Bucky.

Shaking his head, Steve toed off his boots and padded through the house, ducking down to kiss Dani, before throwing himself onto the couch next to Jess. He spotted all three of the elder Barnes’ sisters onscreen; May in the top right, Becca in the top left, and Kimmy in the bottom right.

“Hey guys,” he called.

“Steve!” Kimmy and Becca chorused.

“Hi Steve,” May added.

“Hey you,” he said to Jess before leaning across and kissing her.

“That’s still weird,” Kimmy declared.

“Yeah. You guys are cute and all, but I don’t think I’m ever going to get used to you kissing my sister, Steve,” Becca agreed.

“Get used to it,” Steve said.

“Exposure therapy,” May teased.

“I’m going to start in small doses,” Becca decided. “Hey, I gotta go. I have a meeting half an hour, and I need coffee to deal with it. But I’ll speak to you all soon, yeah?”

“Yeah, I need to pick Scott up soon,” Kimmy added.

They all said their goodbyes, then Jess closed the laptop and pushed in aside, before snuggling back into Steve’s arms.

“What’s the word?” he murmured.

“We’re going to look for a home for dad,” Jess explained. “We can’t take care of him and, as horrible as it sounds, I don’t want to. Seeing your father like that…”

“Nobody expects you to do that,” Steve shook his head. “Jess, should we cancel the wedding? I don’t think now is the right time to have a big party? I don’t think any of us are feeling it.”

“No, you’re probably right,” she sighed. “We’ve got so much to do, between finding a home, and dad’s medical bills, and we’re going to have to find homes for the horses and sell this place…”

Even just the thought of someone other than the Barnes family living at Winter’s Haven caused a wave of revulsion in Steve. It was their _home_ , had been their home for longer than he’d known them. The idea of anyone else living here, it was just wrong.

“There’s no point in us paying rent on a place we’re not using,” Steve pointed out. “We should just live here until we get everything sorted out. We need to be here to take care of the horses, and I’m beginning to forget what our apartment looks like.”

“Yeah,” Jess agreed. “Then when this is all done, we could maybe afford to buy our own place?”

“I’d like that,” Steve nodded. “Hey.” He kissed her slowly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

“Love you!” Dani yelled.

Steve snorted and burst out laughing.

X

Steve was cleaning his teeth when Jess appeared in the bathroom doorway behind him.

“I was thinking,” she began, moving into the room and leaning against the sink. “About the wedding.”

“I spent all afternoon on the phone cancelling everything,” Steve mumbled around his toothbrush. “Please do not tell me you’ve changed your mind. Move. I need to spit.”

Jess shuffled to the side.

“No. I haven’t changed my mind. Well, sort of. But not about that,” she explained. “What if we just got married? We already have the license. What if we did it, just the three of us? Just for us?”

Steve rinsed his mouth, then straightened up, dropping his toothbrush into the cup, before pulling Jess into his side with one arm. He kissed the top of her head.

“I think that sounds like a wonderful idea,” he said.

Jess beamed up at him.

X

Steve woke to Jess using him as a pillow, her hair tickling his nose as she snored into his chest.

He smiled.

This was how he was going to wake up every morning for the rest of his life, with Jess by his side and Dani down the hall, and he couldn’t wait.

 _I’m getting married today_ , he thought to himself.

If he ever thought about getting married before, it was in an abstract way. More of an ideal than anything, with the knowledge there would be someone waiting at the end of the aisle for him, whether male or female. He would get married in the church he spent his childhood in, and Bucky would be up there as his best man, and the church would be filled with everyone they knew, because that was just how weddings worked around here. You invited everyone.

Instead, there would be no Bucky, and no crowd filling the pews. There would just be him and Jess and Father Lantom, Dani in her dress, and Jan and Hank as witnesses. And it was going to be perfect.

Steve cupped the back of Jess’ head, pressing a kiss into her hair. He allowed himself a few more minutes of indulgence, before shaking Jess awake so they could begin their day.

There were still horses to feed and groom, some of them needed exercising or turning out. There were still calls to be made, to owners to collect their horses, to the care home they were moving George into the following week. There was still Dani to feed and wash.

By the time midday came around, the butterflies began to grow in Steve’s stomach, but he wasn’t nervous. He couldn’t wait.

After lunch, he showered quickly, giving the bathroom over to Jess. He wrestled Dani into her dress, checking and double checking there was nothing within reach of a three year old that could result in her making a mess of her outfit, narrowly managing to steal the marker pens away before Dani noticed them. Then it was time to get into his suit.

“Wow. Look at you,” Jess grinned, coming into the living room with her dress in a garment bag slung over her shoulder.

“You look beautiful already,” Steve replied.

Jess raised a mocking eyebrow.

“I’m in sweats,” she pointed out. She would change into her dress at the church, but her hair fell in gently curls over her shoulder, and Steve noticed the faint sparkle of make-up on her face.

“I’d marry you in sweats,” he smiled.

“You’re ridiculous.”

“And you’re marrying me, so what does that say about you?” he teased.

Jan and Hank were waiting outside the church when they arrived. Jan gave them a watery smile, before pulling them each into a hug. It had been hard, Steve knew, for her in the wake of George’s stroke. They were old friends, ever since George rescued Winter all those years ago. Hank had always seemed gruff and distant to Steve, but today, even he seemed to relax a little into a smile. And when he looked at Dani, the gruff exterior melted away.

“Ready?” Jan asked.

Steve and Jess exchanged a glance.

“Yes,” Jess replied, and Steve nodded.

There was no hesitation. Not even for a second. This was where they were meant to be.

“Nervous?” Hank asked, as they waited for Jess to change into her dress.

“No,” Steve shook his head. “Well, yeah. But in a good way. Were you nervous the day you married Jan?”

Hank smiled softly, an expression which seemed almost alien on his face to Steve, who was so accustomed to seeing Hank looking grumpy, a frown permanently etched on his forehead.

“No. I wasn’t.”

They looked up as Jan joined them, beaming at them both, and Steve decided he wanted to be like Hank and Jan: married forty years, and still hopelessly in love with each other. Yeah, that sounded perfect. Jan took Dani’s hand from him, then stepped back.

Then the church doors opened and Jess stepped inside and Steve forgot how to breathe.

His jaw dropped as she made her way down the aisle, and he felt the burn of tears prickle at the corner of his eyes. As soon as Jess reached him, Steve took her hands and clung on tight.

“Wow,” he whispered.

“You like it?” she replied.

“I love it. I love you. You look incredible.”

“Dearly beloved,” Father Lantom began. “We are gathered here today to celebrate the union of Jessica and Steven, and the love that they share.”

Steve couldn’t take his eyes off of Jess. Later, the ceremony would seem like a blur, Father Lantom’s words barely registering. Luckily, he remembered to say I do in the correct place, and before he knew it, Steve was sliding a ring onto Jess’ finger, then she did the same with his ring.

The cool metal was an unfamiliar weight on his finger, but Steve knew in time he would forget it was even there, as the ring became a part of him. Part of him he would never remove.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride,” Father Lantom smiled.

Steve stepped forward, cupping Jess’ cheek and kissed her slowly, smiling into it when he felt her press against him.

“I love you,” he whispered.

“I love you too.”

Then it was on to signing the register, with Hank and Jan as their witnesses. Jan insisted on taking a couple of photos for them, both of the signing of the registry, then again outside the church.

“You’ll regret it if you don’t have anything to remember this by,” she insisted.

Steve lifted Dani onto his hip, holding her with one arm, while the other wrapped around Jess’ waist.

“I don’t think I’m ever going to forget this,” he confessed.

Jess smiled, reaching up on her toes to kiss him. Steve was vaguely aware of the sound of Jan’s camera, but he was too consumed by his wife - his wife - to care. At least, he was, until Dani hit him on the shoulder and sighed dramatically, “Stop kissing.”

“What?” Steve grinned. “Stop kissing? Never!”

“Too much kissing,” Dani insisted.

Steve laughed, peppering Dani’s face with kisses until she was squealing with laughter.

It felt good to be happy, he realised. They’d been so consumed lately by all the bad in their lives, they’d forgotten to celebrate the good. Like the fact they were here, and healthy, and had each other.

“Thank you,” he murmured to Jess.

“For what?”

“For suggesting we do this. It was a good idea.”

“Yeah, I think so too,” she agreed.

“We have a surprise for you,” Jan announced. “We organised a room for you both at The Sherman, and we’ll take Dani for the night.”

“Wait, seriously?” Jess gaped.

Jan nodded.

“Everyone deserves a honeymoon,” Hank added. “Even if it’s just one night.”

“Thank you,” Steve said, wishing he could convey the depth of his gratitude. He’d resigned himself to not having any kind of honeymoon, to spending their wedding night trying to be quiet, lest the wake Dani.

And now this? Jan and Hank had already done so much for him, giving him a job when he really needed it, being there for his wedding.

Steve stepped forward, pulling Jan into a hug.

“Thank you,” he whispered.

Jan smiled, patting his cheek.

“Enjoy yourselves.”

X

Steve woke, blinking bleary-eyed in the haze of the darkness, and realised he was alone in bed.

“Jess?” he mumbled.

He sat up, scanning the room, until he spotted Jess’ outline by the window. Steve frowned, kicking off the covers and padding across the room. He slipped his arm around Jess’ waist, drawing her back against his chest. Neither of them had bothered getting dressed before passing out after the second time they had sex earlier in the night. He kissed her temple.

“You okay?” he whispered.

“He didn’t come to my wedding,” Jess murmured.

“Who?”

“Bucky.”

That… wasn’t what Steve was expecting.

“I thought he’d come,” she continued. “I thought… It’s stupid.”

“It’s not stupid,” Steve shook his head.

“I feel stupid,” Jess admitted. She twisted in his arms, tucking her face into his neck. “I just… I thought he’d be there. He’s never let me down before.”

“I’m sorry,” Steve said. “I’m sorry he wasn’t there. I wish he was there too, but… I can’t keep fighting for him. I can’t.”

“I don’t think I can forgive him.” Jess looked up. “Does that make me a horrible person?”

“No,” Steve shook his head.

Jess smiled. She bit her lip, tracing patterns on his bare chest.

“So… We got married today,” she smirked.

“We did,” Steve grinned.

Jess glanced at the clock.

“It’s late. Do you want to go back to sleep?”

Steve suddenly became aware they were standing, pressed together, naked. A frisson of excitement ran down his spine. He ran a finger up and down Jess’ spine, slowly, feeling her skin turn to gooseflesh. She shivered.

“No, I don’t think I do,” he replied.

Jess raked her nails through his hair, before surging up to kiss him. Steve splayed his hand across her back, pining her against him as they kissed. Without breaking apart, Steve ran his hands down, over the curve of Jess’ ass until he reached her thighs, and lifted her.

Jess gasped, her legs locking around his waist. Steve kissed his way down her chest, sucking gently, before swirling his tongue around her nipple. He glanced up, then sucked it into his mouth, running his tongue around the hard nub. Jess whined, her head falling back, her legs clenching around his waist.

His knees shook. Afraid of dropping Jess, Steve stumbled backwards slowly, until the back of his knees bumped into the mattress. Steve sat down, lowering her into his lap, so she was straddling one thigh.

Jess raised her index finger slowly, and Steve felt his heart pound in anticipation. She hooked it under his chin, raising his chin before capturing his lips in another bruising kiss.

Steve was distantly aware of Jess’ hand snaking between them, but he jumped when she wrapped it around his dick, stroking him to full hardness with maddening slowness. Steve pressed their forehead together, panting, as he watched Jess’ hand on his dick. Seeing her delicate fingers, fingers which contained such strength, wrapped around him, made Steve shiver. Every nerve ending felt like it was on fire, and sweat trickled down his forehead.

He jerked again as Jess sucked on his neck. He’d been so enthralled watching her stroke his dick, he’d completely forgotten about the rest of her. Now, he tipped his head back, giving her better access. Jess hummed appreciatively, squirming in his lap. Her fingers danced in the hair on his neck as she bit down on his neck, and Steve’s hips jerked into her fist.

“Jess,” he breathed.

Jess ground against his thigh, tugging on his earlobe with her teeth, and Steve’s head fell back as he moaned. She ran her hand down his chest, trusting him to hold her up, lightly scraping her nails against his chest. They left pinprick trails along his skin and Steve trembled.

“Jess,” he begged. “I want… I need…”

“What?” she purred. “Tell me what you want, _husband_.”

Steve gasped for breath. He felt dizzy, desperate to be with her, with his _wife_. He swallowed hard.

“Jess,” he whined.

“Say it,” she whispered in his ear.

Steve quivered. Everything burned and he knew he was flushed under Jess’ ministrations. He gulped for breath.

“You. I want you,” he babbled. “I want you, honey, Jess. Oh God, I want, I want… I wanna fuck you so bad. Please. _Please_ ,” he pleaded.

Jess caught his chin, tilting his head back so she could kiss him, fucking her tongue into his mouth and leaving Steve breathless.

Then she swung her leg over, so she was straddling both his legs now. Hanging onto his neck with one hand, she held his dick steady, then sank down onto him.

Steve almost sobbed in relief. He splayed his hands across Jess’ back, while her hands came up and played with his hair.

“Your hair’s so long now,” she whispered. “I love it.”

Steve blinked up at her slowly.

“I love you,” he rasped.

Jess smiled, holding his chin between her thumb and forefinger. She leaned forward and, as she kissed him, began to move. Jess set a torturously slow pace, grinding down onto his dick. All Steve could do was hang on, light-headed, gazing up at her as she writhed in his lap.

Shit, he was more aroused than he’d ever been in his life, the blood pounding in his ears, his body shaking as he tried desperately not to come too soon.

Jess grabbed his hand and shoved it between her legs, a flush spreading across her chest as she arched into him. Every moan she made seemed to grow louder, reverberating through Steve until he was gulping for air.

“That’s it,” Jess panted. “That’s it baby. Yeah, oh yeah. There, there, Steve. Steve!” she came with a wail, clenching around him.

Oh God, Steve felt like he was drowning. He clung to Jess, digging his nails into her back with the effort of holding still while she came down.

Jess ran her shaking hands down the side of his face, pushing his sweat-soaked hair back, then kissed him languidly. Steve whined in the back of his throat.

“Jess,” he pleaded. “I need…”

Jess wrapped her arms around his neck, clinging on. Then he felt her breath tickle his ear as she whispered, “Go for it.”

He didn’t need to be told twice. Steve grabbed her hips, using all his strength to lift Jess and fuck her onto his dick, his hips jerking erratically to meet her. He pounded into her, static crackling beneath his skin. The tiny pinpricks of pain where Jess’ nails nipped his skin just made it so much better.

Steve grunted, incapable of words, the sound of Jess panting in his ear even sexier than any of their dirty talk. Knowing she was as affected as he was, it was perfect.

His rhythm became erratic as the pressure coiled in his gut, the need to come almost overwhelming him. Time slowed, then everything burst into white noise as he came with a strangled noise.

Steve went limp and, mindful of Jess in his lap, eased them backwards until they were lying side by side. Coming down, the buzzing in his ears faded. Steve licked his lips, gulping for air, his grip on Jess tightening instinctively.

“Holy shit,” he managed.

That, that was the best orgasm of his life. He was still shaking from it.

Jess placed a kiss against his collarbone. Steve whined, his skin still far too oversensitive. Jess chuckled. Pushing herself up onto an elbow, she said, “We’ve been married… thirteen hours, and we’re that good at sex already. Imagine how great we’re going to be after a lifetime together.”

Steve smiled dopily up at her. His throat tightened a little at the thought of it.

A lifetime together.

“We’re going to be incredible,” he agreed.

“Only with lots of practise,” Jess smirked.

“I’m not getting anymore sleep tonight, am I?” Steve realised with a grin.

Jess leaned down, her hair brushing his chest as she gave him a filthy kiss.

“No.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've read Return to Neverland - spoilers - you might recognise The Sherman as the hotel Bucky buys Steve and Jess a night away at. He doesn't know it's where they spent their mini honeymoon.
> 
> Jess and Steve are dealing with Bucky leaving in very different but equally valid ways. Sometimes you have to just let it go, sometimes you can hold on to the anger. Steve recognises holding onto his anger is harmful for him, but that doesn't mean he'll judge Jess for being unable to let go of her own anger.
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [weethreequarter](https://weethreequarter.tumblr.com) so feel free to come and chat.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> As Steve and Jess prepare to sell, a new arrival changes everything.

**September 2013**

Steve stood in the centre aisle of the barn and felt a piece of his heart break. In all his years, he’d never seen the barn as empty as this. Owners had returned for their horses, then over the past few months, they’d found new homes for the rescue horses, or found rescue centres willing to take on the horses like Phoenix who couldn’t go to a new home.

The only one left was Winter.

Steve crossed to the big grey horse, scratching his neck and allowing him to mutual groom Steve in return.

“You’re missing your friends, huh?” he asked softly. “Don’t worry. We’ll find you a good yard, somewhere with lots of new friends for you. We’re not getting rid of you.”

Winter abandoned grooming Steve quickly, raising his head hopefully, staring towards the door with his ears pricked. Another piece of Steve’s heart broke.

“Poor old horse,” he murmured. “He’s not coming back.”

In the beginning, when there were still other horses around, Winter was fine. But as things changed, the other horses left and no replacements arrived, Winter began to pick up on the fact something was different, something was wrong. Then he realised George was gone. He was pining.

“You’ll be okay,” Steve said, but he wasn’t sure who he was trying to convince.

Giving Winter one last pat, Steve left the barn. He pulled his jacket tighter around him, fighting off the chill of the rising wind.

“Storm’s coming,” he murmured to himself.

The sky was a a dark purple, like a particularly painful bruise, waiting to erupt. Steve suspected they would have Dani in their bed tonight if the thunder came. They needed the thunderstorm; the air was thick and muggy. They needed the storm for it to break.

Letting himself into the house, Steve kicked off his boots and hung up his jacket, then padded through the house in search of his wife. He found Jess sitting at the table, papers spread out before her. Steve leaned down and pressed a kiss to the crown of her head.

“Hey,” she said absently. “How’s Winter?”

“Looking for your dad,” Steve replied. “How’s it going?”

“Getting there,” Jess shrugged. “Oh, the realtor called. He’s booked up, but he’s gonna come take a look in two weeks. He’ll take the photos, do the valuation, then…”

Then Winter’s Haven would officially be on the market.

Steve nodded, trying to ignore the stab of pain that thought caused.

“Where’s Dani?” he asked.

“She was tired, so I put her to bed early,” Jess explained. “She’s probably going to be up half the night if this storm comes, so I figured it was for the best.”

Steve nodded.

“Good plan. I’m going to get something to eat, you want something?”

“Grilled ham and cheese, please.”

“Coming up.”

Rain began to splatter on the window while Steve waited for their sandwiches to grill. He watched it turn from a light mist to a downpour in seconds. It was a relief. At least now they could catch a break.

Taking a bite of his own sandwich, Steve carried their plates through from the kitchen, handing Jess her plate, and leaving his own on the coffee table, lest he disturb Jess’ paperwork. Returning to the kitchen, he poured himself a drink.

The house was too quiet, he thought to himself. There had always been people in Winter’s Haven. Always. Now, May, Becca and Kimmy all had their lives elsewhere, George was living in a home, and Steve and Jess were preparing to sell.

And as for Bucky…

Well. Steve didn’t know where Bucky was. No one knew where Bucky was. No one had any contact with him, and right now, no one wanted contact with him. Jess was ready to never speak to him again, and Steve couldn’t say he blamed her.

With a sigh, he returned to the living room, grabbing the remote as he sat down on the couch. He’d probably just flick through the channels, then turn it off again.

A knock echoed from the front door.

Steve and Jess stared at each other.

For a split second, Steve thought Bucky. But he instantly dismissed that idea. If it was Bucky, he would come in the back door, because the front door was for visitors.

A second knock spurred them into action. Steve jumped off of the couch, unlocking the door, feeling Jess hover at his shoulder.

When the door opened, a man was standing there, half drenched already from the downpour. Behind him, in the driveway, a horse box was idling with its lights still on.

“Hi,” he said, before Steve or Jess could say anything. “I’m Tony Stark. I need your help with a horse.”

Steve looked at Jess.

She looked at him.

Then they made their decision.

X

**2023**

“Do you remember when uncle Tony arrived?” Steve asked.

“Vaguely,” Dani replied, scrunching up her nose.

“That’s understandable, you were only three,” Steve said. “But that’s it.”

Dani flicked crumbs from her jeans. Steve allowed her the silence, giving her the time to think. He knew she’d speak eventually. Sure enough, Dani glanced up at him with big brown eyes. Steve smiled automatically.

“Thanks dad,” she said quietly.

“No problem,” he replied, kissing her forehead. “Now, dinner is in an hour. You’ve got chores to do, don’t you?”

“Can’t I do them later?” Dani pleaded.

Steve shook his head.

“You’re calling Luke tonight,” he reminded her.

“Oh yeah.”

“Come on, go,” Steve told her. “Work off some of those cookies before dinner.”

Dani stood with a sigh. But before she left, she leaned forward, pulling Steve into a hug. He blinked in surprise, before returning the hug, smoothing back Dani’s hair.

“I love you, dad,” Dani murmured.

“I love you too, bunny,” he replied.

He watched Dani disappear downstairs, then Steve turned his gaze to his wedding ring, sitting snugly on his finger where it belonged. The gold was dulled and scratched from working with the horses, and if he took it off to clean it, it was no longer a perfect circle, not since Loki stood on his hand and broke his fingers a few years ago.

But that was another story.

Downstairs, he could hear Jess in the office. Outside, Dani’s voice called out to someone, no doubt to her cousins or Tony. And through the window, he could see Bucky working in the ring with a class.

Steve grinned.

"What's up with you?" Jess asked when he came downstairs. "Your face is weird. Well, weirder than normal."

Steve stuck out his tongue at her.

"Nothing," he replied.

"You sure?"

"Yeah." He smiled. "I'm home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's a wrap! Thank you to everyone who left kudos on the story, and an extra special thank you and hugs to Gideon for leaving comments on _every single chapter_ because he is just awesome like that!
> 
> The next part of this story is Tony's story, but I'm taking a break from this verse to work on some other fics for people first. 
> 
> I'm on Tumblr as [weethreequarter](https://weethreequarter.tumblr.com) so feel free to come and chat.


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